[✔] White over Red (boyxboy)

֍CHAPTER 23: Let It Go

They both knew that they had something to tell the other. One needs to talk about Kliment while the other needs to talk about the secret club. But now that they are in the living room of the cabin, with the sounds of the news anchor voice in the TV in the background, awkwardness clouded them both and they didn't know where to start.

The news were mostly reporting about how the government had lifted the use of facial masks as compulsory and that an illegal organization was apprehended by the police for being responsible for several cases of kidnapping 'strain' children. Those two reports were the only reports that Kirill could pay attention to. The rest only passes through his ears like the waves of sea. No sense can be made.

"You first," he suddenly heard the voice of Stepan telling him to start. He is somehow relieved that the silence was broken but also anxious to carry the responsibility of the first person to 'talk'. But he swallows his saliva to quench his dry throat and thinks to himself on where to start.

He started talking immediately as directed by his own jumbled-up thoughts. "It was winter the night Kliment went missing, right?" He asked but he didn't wait for Stepan to answer. He continues talking, narrating it as he tries to remember that terrifying night. He had always tried not to think much about that night but today, he needs to remember. He must remember. Despite the pain, fear, and anger, he must recall the events of that night.

"It should be winter. After all, there's no difference between our time zones at all. I was working on my assignment for school when it happened. There was a grip on my neck, choking me. I immediately knew Kliment was in trouble. I couldn't move or scream for help. And then there was a snap. I felt it. I felt my neck snap. Broken. And that was the last sensation. I cried so hard, begging my dad to ask Lena about Kliment," Kirill spoke for a long time. Stepan knew that Lena is Kirill's mother. He was a bit surprised that Kirill didn't call her 'mother' but he had heard from Kliment before regarding the conflict between the two so he didn't want to comment on that. He decided not to interrupt and just listen to him speaking attentively.

"I remember my voice was so hoarse and I had difficulty breathing. I was rushed to the hospital afterwards," Kirill continued. He then scoffs a little in self-pity before he adds; "My parents never asked me about what happened. But I know they knew it in their hearts. They just didn't have the nerve to ask. They don't want to face reality. They want to continue to have hope. It's funny, you know? Because I want to have hopes too. But I already know the truth. At least, you, your friends, and other people, they can have hopes. But me, I am not allowed to have hopes. I carried this burden alone for a long time." All the while, when he was speaking, he never stopped crying. But his tone was calm. It was as if he had succumbed to his own fate and he is tired of fighting.

Kirill was pulled into an embrace. He is caught by surprise but he doesn't dislike it. He thinks that it is warm. Even though he is embraced by a person he doesn't fully trust, he can't deny that it actually feels good to be comforted like this. He is also tired of always keeping his guards up. At least for today, he doesn't want to be so careful and suspicious. He doesn't want to care and he just wants to be free from his own restraints.

Stepan is also calm. He pats and strokes Kirill's back a few times to comfort him without saying a word. They stay in that position for a few minutes before Kirill softly pulls himself away from the embrace and Stepan lets go easily. This time, Kirill waits for a response from Stepan. After a moment of silence, Stepan finally speaks. "The truth is, I, myself, also think that the possibility of Kliment being alive is slim," he admitted. "But hearing it from you directly like that, still somewhat hurts," he added. "This means that he is murdered, right?"

Kirill nods his head in answer as he observes Stepan's expression and reaction. From his observation, he can sense nothing wrong. He can't find faults. Stepan appears to be genuine. "Kirill, we will find the murderer. Okay?" He comforted him again. Kirill nods his head again. "I will do everything I can to find his... um.. his body. And also find his murderer," Stepan spoke, looking determined and eager to help but still, he is afraid to say the word 'body' at first since he is afraid if it will impact Kirill. But Kirill seems to have already come to terms with Kliment's death. It was at this moment that a 'ding' can be heard coming from the kitchen. "The tea is ready," Stepan informed as he got up from where he was seated and walked to the kitchen to get the tea for his guest.

By this time, Kirill can no longer see his expression. There's no more sympathy or sadness displaying on his face. He looks calm and happy. He looks indifferent. After all, imitating other people's expressions and calculating how others would feel in response to certain situations have been like a second nature to him. His friends wanted to find Kliment alive. He supported their decision and echoed them. And he also did everything he could to participate. Seeing Kirill's desperation and sadness, he can only comfort him in the gentlest way possible and calculate what Kirill would want him to say or do. So he said them. And did them. But does he really care? No. He never does. People come and go. If they die then they'll die. They're only flesh by then. Why should he care about people that are no longer alive?

As he pours the tea into the cups, he begins to think to himself that after this, he should tell Kirill about his secret club as dramatically as he can to gain his sympathy and attention. He also would like to invite his friends over so that they can tell him about the dark web or whatever it is that they had done so far to try to find Kliment in order to impress him and get him to trust them.

Kirill's trust is important to him. He must have his trust. That's the only way for him to fall into the trap.

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Next update: 2022/05/09

*Author's Note: The characters in this story are complicated. The most fun and also difficult time I had was when I'm trying to see things from Stepan's perspective. I'm sure people will be afraid of him and hate him (maybe?) but I will also show a side of him that is lovable and also where people can sympathize with. I do believe that evil people are made, not born. There must be reasons why people become bad. You'll understand Stepan soon. -K