I kissed Risa's cheek last night and I haven't stopped thinking about it since.
I can still feel her soft skin on my lips like it's still there, her scent still lingering around me, and my mind, hearing her voice saying the same thing over and over again...
"Magseselos na sana ako eh."
I thought about her reaction when we were in the bathroom: the shock on her face, the goosebumps on her skin, and the tension in her body as I touched her waist. At hindi lang 'yun kasi nag-ooverthink pa ako dito.
Should I remain ecstatic because of her reaction? O dapat bang mangamba ako kasi baka I overstepped my boundaries? Do I need to be worried or am I just overthinking this too much?
I slammed my pen on the table and put my head in my hands. Hindi ako makapag-trabaho nang maayos masyado akong maraming iniisip. Dumagdag pa 'yung reminder sa phone ko na it's 7 days before Risa's birthday.
Oo, may reminder talaga sa phone ko para hindi ko malimutan. Not that I'll forget it in the first place.
"Alam mong hindi mo kailangan magtrabaho ngayong weekend diba?" Kiko stated, coming in the office.
"Oh, VP. Napabisita ka." I stood up to welcome him and asked him to sit.
"You've been spending a lot of time with her recently."
"Pa'no mo alam?"
"I have my ways. Malapit na birthday niya ha. Anong regalo mo?"
"Hindi ko pa alam."
"What if kiss na lang?" He joked, moving his eyebrows up and down.
Tinignan ko siya nang masama at tinawanan niya ako. Seryoso akong nagmumuni-muni dito eh. We sat in silence and he gave me an encouraging smile.
"Susugal ba ako?" I asked him the question I've been contemplating since the night I fell in love with Risa.
"Ikaw lang makapagsasabi nyan. Pipiliin mo ba siyang tignan sa malayo kung pwede mo namang lapitan?"
"Natatakot ako." Yumuko ako and squirmed uncomfortably in my seat, realizing that he was right.
"Leni, ikaw na rin mismo ang nagsabi. Hindi ka natatakot."
"Eh paano kung..."
"Take the risk," he cut me off, making me look up to his face. "You know Jesse would want you to take the risk."
"He would."
Kiko changed the topic after seeing na bumigat 'yung atmosphere sa office. We talked about our work for a while, and then about our personal lives tapos umalis na siya. As soon as he left, napalitan na 'yung mga iniisip ko kanina.
Instead of Risa's voice, I hear Kiko in my head repeatedly saying, "Take the risk."
So I did.
I planned to give her simple gifts starting 5 days bago siya mag-birthday pero anonymously lang. Hindi pa ako ready umamin outright at ma-reject. Kaya by staying anonymous, at least I get to cherish our moments habang nag-iipon ako ng lakas ng loob and preparing for the worst outcome possible.
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5
Para saan ako bumabangon? Para kay Risa.
My plan starts today, five days before her birthday. Kinuha ko 'yung phone ko and ordered a bouquet of light pink and purple roses. Our campaign colors. Pinadala ko sa condo para ako lang 'yung makakakita.
