A part of me always thought that when the time comes that I finally kiss her, my heart would race, the same way that it usually does whenever she's near me. But right now, with my lips colliding with hers, it didn't. My heart beat calmly and peacefully, the way that it usually does. The only difference is, it's glad to have finally gone home.
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"Totoo ba 'to?" She asked as we parted, breaths heavy and foreheads pressed against each other, "Hindi 'to prank or trip mo lang diba?"
"Totoong totoo," I assured her. "Hinalikan na kita, wala nang joke joke dito."
"Mabuti na 'yung sigurado ako."
I kissed her cheek and cuddled up to her, laying my head on her chest. She hugged me closer to her. Iba pala 'yung feeling kapag nagkatotoo 'yung mga dating iniisip mo lang 'no. Para kang nabubuhay sa isang magandang panaginip.
"Natatawa tuloy ako," I said looking up at her face.
"Bakit?"
I told her na naalala ko 'yung tinanong niya ako kung galit ba ako because she had a secret admirer that day that I invited her out for a coffee date. "Natatawa na ako no'n sa isip ko kasi bakit ko naman pagseselosan 'yung sarili ko?
"Ang dami mo kasing alam! Kung umamin ka na lang sa'kin edi tapos na diba tayo na agad."
I laughed and stared at her fondly. Seeing her like this, so close to me and holding me, it felt so familiar yet so foreign. Like something new but was always meant to be.
"Sige nga, bakit ikaw? Sabi ng staff mo may crush ka sa'kin pero hindi ka rin naman umaamin." I retorted, remembering the time Kate would tease her about me. Ayun pala 'yung palagi nilang pinagbubulungan dati.
"Nakakahiya kaya. Saka I didn't want to ruin our friendship. I'd rather keep it a secret so we'll remain friends kaysa awkward tayo sa isa't isa because of my feelings."
Turns out she felt the same way about our friendship. It was so stressful trying to suppress my feelings kahit gusto ko na umamin. The worst possible outcome was always her staying away from me, not rejecting me. Kasi nga, I can take her rejection but I could never take it if tuluyan siyang lalayo sa akin.
"Gano'n rin naman sa akin. But I'm happy na nandito na tayo sa point na 'to."
"Dapat lang naman nandito na tayo. Mga 2 months mahigit mo rin akong pinakain ng mixed signals." Ang kapal, parang siya din naman gano'n ginagawa sa akin. Halos mabaliw na ako sa pinag-gagagawa niya.
"I treated you to dinner ha. Tapos, pinakain kita ng luto ko. Counted rin 'yun."
"Counted rin ba 'pag kinain kita?"
I blushed and hit her arm. I take back what I said before. There's no "pure, sweet, innocent" Risa pala.
She laughed at me and I buried my face on her chest in embarrassment. Hindi ako sanay sa mga gano'ng banat niya nagugulat na lang ako. "Joke lang, Pangga. Rated PG muna tayo."
Pangga. She called me Pangga. If she wasn't hugging me I would've fallen to the floor dahil sa kilig.
I broke free from her embrace, remembering that I brought Cheetos Puffs with me. I refilled our glasses with wine and turned the TV on.
"Feel at home ka ha."
"Sa'yo na mismo nanggaling, mahal. I feel like home diba?" I caught myself calling her mahal. Bwisit, naalala ko ulit tuloy 'yung hindi ko alam ano bang itatawag sa kanya sa letter na sinusulat ko.
