Waves crashed on the shore before me. I could hear the crickets and the calm sound of the water. Napapikit ako sa lamig ng simoy ng hangin. Mag-isa lang ako ngayon dito kasi late na. I should be sleeping pero hindi talaga ako makatulog.
Tinakasan ko 'yung staff ko sa taas at bumaba dito sa beach sa harap ng hotel namin. I needed the peace and the tranquility.
Ang tagal kong hindi lumapit sa kahit anong body of water after Jesse's death. I developed a resentment for the ocean that took my husband's life, depriving me and my children of the lives we've wished for and loved to live. It took me years before I could face the ocean the same way that I do now without breaking down in tears.
I touched the pendant of Jesse's ashes on my chest. "Hi, Jess. I miss you."
In my head, kausap ko siya ngayon. I told him about the recent rally, kung kumusta ako at ang mga anak namin. I told him about the gifts I received from the supporters tonight and how things actually became a little easier now compared to when I first announced my candidacy. Alam ko na he's watching over us kaya alam niya na 'to. But talking to Jesse made me feel better. For a while, it felt like he was with me physically.
I told him about Risa too.
Sinabi ko sa kanya na having that woman beside me made everything better. I thanked him for introducing me to politics that eventually led me to get to know Risa. Sabi ko kay Jesse, he didn't need to worry about me kasi kaya ko na. I have my girls, Risa, our supporters, and the rest of the people who have my back. Still, I made him promise to never leave my side.
"Mas malalim pa sa tubig ng dagat 'yung iniisip mo," A voice pulled me out of my musings and for a while, I panicked and got nervous kasi baka kung sino 'to.
"Grabe ka naman mambigla. Akala ko kung sino."
"Akala mo multo?" Risa cheekily replied, sitting down beside me on the sand.
"Akala ko kidnapper."
"Sa ganda ng boses kong 'to kidnapper?"
"Ang yabang naman."
Tinulak niya ako lightly, making me lean a little towards the sand. Tinawanan ko lang siya. Ang saya asarin ni Risa, halata mong pikon.
"Are you thinking about Jesse?" She asked, noticing the prominent pendant that rested on my chest.
"Oo, ngayon na lang nagka-time ulit to talk to him eh. Do you do it often too? Talk to Frank, I mean."
"Yeah, lalo na if it's about the kids. I ask him if he thinks I did a good job raising them whenever nag-aaway kami ng mga bata."
"You raised your kids to be just like you. Talagang makikipag-away sila sa'yo, parehas kayo ng ugali."
"Are you saying na pala-away ako?"
"Medyo?" I joked and she pushed me to the sand again.
"Mapanakit ka. I meant kasi na you taught them to stand their ground and to speak up for themselves like you do. Kailangan handa ka that they'll stand up for themselves in front of you rin." I continued.
"Hmm, I get your point."
"We've come a long way, haven't we?"
"Sobra. I hope they're proud of us from up there."
We sat in silence after that, staring at the dark, vast expanse in front of us. Madilim sa paligid, buti na lang sobrang liwanag ng buwan ngayong gabi kaya okay lang kahit pa'no.
"Do you think we'll ever stop missing them?"
"No."
"Then let's miss them together."
We reminisced the memories of our husbands after that. When we ran out of things to say, she started humming a familiar tune. Nasa bandang chorus na siya when I realized she was humming Ben&Ben's Maybe The Night.
"You're a fan of them?" I asked her.
"Before they sang in your sortie, not very much. I listen to a few of their songs pero that's that. Ngayon lang talaga na I got to listen to them live saka ako naging fan."
I told her about the time that the band sang the Angat Buhay theme song.
Habang mas lumalalim ang gabi at lumalamig ang hangin, I started looking at the woman who sat beside me a little longer. She started humming the same tune again, eyes shut and a tiny smile on her face. The moon shone brighter now, even more than it did tonight.
I saw the way her face glowed as she happily hummed, contentment written all over her face. She laid her head on my shoulder and linked her arm with mine. And we stayed there in silence.
Looking to the sky, I talked Jesse again. I told him how the ocean wasn't as scary to me anymore. I thanked him for the courage and for replacing the horrible memory of his death in the water with this — a quiet, serene memory.
Maybe the night holds a little hope for us, dear.
My gaze went to the arms linked together, then to Risa, then to the waves crashing on the shore before me. I closed my eyes, and for the first time in a long time, I felt at peace.
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I like to think that these two often talk about their husbands kapag senti mode sila kasi they know how to comfort each other.
I also like to think na although Risa found peace with Leni only after she kissed her sa Lipstick Stains, Risa had always been Leni's peace.
