"Tahimik mo today, Leni."
Risa pulled me out of my thoughts as she sat down beside me. Katatapos lang namin sa isang dialogue kasama ang iba't ibang groups dito sa Batangas and we were having dinner together with our staffs.
"Marami lang iniisip." I replied, smiling at her kindly.
"Gusto mo magkwento?"
May something talaga kapag si Risa na ang nagtatanong kung gusto ko bang magkwento eh. Parang when it comes to her, I'd always be willing to talk. May problema man o wala.
"Sure. Punta ako sa room mo later?"
"Okay." She answered, reaching out to give my hand a reassuring squeeze.
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I knocked on Risa's hotel room door that evening after dinner. Since filing for candidacy, I often caught myself quietly lost in my own thoughts. Pre-campaign anxiety daw sabi ni Bam but I knew he didn't fully understand.
"Leni!" Risa greeted, a bright smile on her face. It's 10 in the evening pero ang taas pa rin ng energy niya. 'Yung totoo, nakakailang enervon kaya 'to araw-araw?
"Hi, Ris."
We went inside and she led me to the balcony. Alam ni Risa na tuwing mabibigat 'yung pag-uusapan namin, kailangan nasa open space kami. Otherwise, I'd feel suffocated and end up not talking.
"Talk to me, Leni. What's wrong?"
I leaned my forearms on the railing and sighed. "Ang bigat naman ng iniisip mo. Madadagan wrinkles mo nyan sige ka." She warned, trying to lighten up the atmosphere.
I pushed her lightly which made her laugh even more. "Sinasabi mo bang madami na akong wrinkles?"
"Hoy, wala akong sinasabi ha."
"Inimply mo lang."
"Stop changing the topic, Maria Leonor." She scolded, voice now firm and cold. But I knew she was just playing around kasi kitang-kita mo sa mata niyang konti na lang matatawa na siya.
"Ana Theresia, marami akong iniisip. Sure ka bang kaya mong pakinggan lahat?"
"Kung ikaw lang din naman pakikinggan ko, bakit hindi?"
There she goes again. Being the consistent constant in my life — always willing to listen and to assure. Risa, how lucky am I to have a person like you around?
"Baka gamitin mo na naman 'yung hindi ako natatakot, hindi ako kinakabahan line ko ha."
"I won't. Gasgas na rin 'yun sa'ting dalawa. Palagi na natin ginagamit."
I inhaled sharply and started to talk, "Ang overwhelming. Lahat ng 'to sobrang nakaka-overwhelm. Parang ang daming nangyayari all at once at natatakot ako kasi...what if I can't keep up?"
She listened intently to every word that left my mouth. Late na at alam kong pagod at inaantok na siya pero ni isang beses hindi siya humikab. Nakatingin lang siya, nakikinig, at iniintindi 'yung mga hinaing ko sa buhay. Tumatango pa nga siya kapag nagegets niya 'yung punto ko.
"Palagi mong pinapaalala sa akin na hindi ako mag-isa and trust me, alam ko naman 'yun. But I can't help but overthink na what if I don't live up to their expectations of me? What if I don't live up to Jesse's?"
I ran a hand through my hair, letting out all my frustrations and worries get carried away by the Batangas air. Risa placed a hand on my back carefully like she's treading uncharted waters.
"Do you need me to give you advice? O gusto mo lang na makinig ako sa'yo?"
"Hindi ko na rin alam, Ris. What do I do?"
She held my shoulders to make me face her and then she held my face with both hands. "Breathe, Leni."
"Ano?"
"Breathe. Inhale slowly and exhale freely. Let the negative energy flow out of you. Can you do that for me?"
I nodded mutely still not understanding what she wanted to achieve with this. She motioned for me to breathe in sync with her so I did. In between that, she spoke ever so tenderly, "I'm here. You have me in spite of everything else."
As my breathing matched hers, I felt myself calm down. She held both my hands with hers, running her thumb on the back of my hand. How can such a simple gesture, something so normal, be so comforting when it comes from her?
"Tapos na ba tayong huminga?" I joked, now feeling better and lighter after what we just did.
"Depende. Mamamatay na ba tayo?"
"Parang ewan ka." I laughed.
We focused our gaze on the view before us. Not much can be seen since it was dark but the stars shone brightly now more than ever. She stepped closer to me, leaning forward on the railing. I laid my head on her shoulder and she hugged me sideways.
"Thank you, Ris."
"What for?"
"For a lot of things. Alam mo naman na 'yun."
"Hmm, true. You don't have to thank me every time I reassure you, you know?"
"I know. But I want to."
Risa and I stood in silence, hair flowing freely and eyes closed as we basked in the simplicity of this moment. If only we could stay in such a serene place all the time.
"Will you do something for me, Risa?"
"Of course. Ano 'yun?"
"Will you wear this?" I unclasped the pink leatherband on my wrist.
"Ha? Eh diba bigay 'yan sa'yo ng volunteers?"
"Oo. Hindi bagay sa akin. It would look better on you."
"So binibigay mo sa'kin 'to kasi hindi bagay sa'yo?"
"Gaga, of course not. Hindi ko alam kung pa'no ko susuklian lahat ng nagawa at ginagawa mo para sa akin. Gaya na lang ngayong gabi. So let me give you this pink leatherband para palagi mong maramdaman, wherever you are and whatever you're doing, that I'm rooting for you."
Risa was teary-eyed now. But her smile was so much wider and beautiful. "Thank you, Leni..." She said, still in awe of what I said.
"I hope that by wearing this, maaalala mo ring hindi ka mag-isa sa laban mo. That I'm here for you in spite of it all and no matter what happens. You got me, I got you, right?"
She nodded and enveloped me in a tight hug. Her flowery scent making its way to my nose making me feel lightheaded.
"Will you do something for me too, Leni?"
"Oo naman. Anything for you."
"Kung ano 'yung gusto mong purpose o reminder ng leatherband na 'to sa akin, gano'n din sana ang maging reminder sa'yo. On the days we won't be together during this whole campaign period, perhaps even after that, I'll wear this so you'll know I'm always cheering for you. Kahit nasa'ng lupalop man ako ng mundo o kung ano mang ginagawa ko."
"Even when it doesn't match your outfits?"
"Even when it doesn't match my outfits."
We laughed at that. She tightened her hold on me and I can't help but squeeze her a little tighter too.
"I'll wear this for you, Leni."
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Fake news ulit ako sabi ko 2 chapters na lang pero HAHAHA layag pa ulit natin kahit konti. 2 more? :)
