Today marks the end of the 90-day campaign period and here I am, standing in front of another mammoth crowd, reiterating my gratitude to everyone who had been part of our campaign.
It felt surreal — the rallies, caravans, debates, meetings, and everything else that came with it. Win or lose, I knew that it had been a fight well fought, hindi lang sa akin pero sa lahat ng mga kasama kong lumaban at mangampanya.
Nagpunta na kami sa dining area ng hotel and I gave a speech for everyone.
"Manalo o matalo, we fought kindly, we faced this battle bravely, and we loved radically. Nag-umpisa ang tunay na pagbabago sa kampanya natin, sana hindi rin dito matapos. Sana, sa susunod na magsasalita ako sa harap niyo ay dahil cinecelebrate na natin ang tunay na panalo. Pero ngayong gabi, dapat pa rin tayong magsaya dahil ang gagaling niyong lahat. Muli, maraming maraming salamat at mabuhay po kayo."
I gave the mic to my staff and was met with applause and cheers. We spent the night celebrating, sharing stories about our interactions with the supporters, and reminiscing the whole experience.
Tahimik lang akong nakikinig sa kwento ng isa sa mga campaign team managers ko when I felt a familiar hand touch my shoulder. Risa bent down to whisper in my ear, "Samahan mo 'ko, ayoko na dito. I feel suffocated."
"Seryoso ka ba?"
"Oo. Tara, let's go someplace else."
I excused myself from the table and informed my staff and my girls na lalabas lang kami ni Risa saglit. Hindi ko sinabi kung saan kami pupunta kasi kahit ako hindi ko alam. Ano bang pumasok sa utak ng babaeng 'to? Bigla-biglang nagyayaya umalis. Hindi naman ako nagrereklamo pero ang weird lang.
We walked towards the garden of the hotel banda sa may pool area. Umupo kami sa may mga seats na ando'n at walang ibang tao kundi kami lang.
"Why do you feel suffocated?" I asked her, concerned.
"Wala lang. Parang ang dami masyadong nangyayari? Hindi ka ba naooverwhelm?"
"Naooverwhelm rin naman. Parang nasanay na lang rin ako sa 90 days na nandito tayo."
"You know, I assured you before na hindi ka dapat kabahan pero honestly speaking, pati ako kinakabahan na."
"Hayaan mong ako naman ang mag-assure sa'yo."
Risa and I have long been friends and the best part of it all is how I can be honest with her. Recently, parang ako lang 'yung cinocomfort niya kaya ngayon, it's about time that I return the favor.
I've hugged Risa a lot of times before, most of which were brief ones. But right now, as I wrap her in my arms and she places her head on the crook of my neck, I feel my heart beat a million times faster. She sighs and relaxes in my touch.
We stay like that for a while until she separates from me and I almost pull her back to me. She gets up and gestures for me to follow.
"Sa'n tayo?"
"Ice cream."
"Ha?"
"Labas tayo dito, bili tayo ice cream."
I laughed at her and she frowned. "Dalian mo na, Leonor. Gusto ko ng ice cream."
"Ito na, ito na."
Palabas na kami ng hotel at muntik na makasalubong 'yung dalawang campaign security guard. "Shh, wag ka maingay," pagsaway ni Risa sa'kin, hiding behind one of the bushes.
"Anong 'wag maingay eh wala nga akong sinasabi?" Pabulong kong sagot.
"Basta shhh, baka makita tayo."
"Hindi tayo magpapasama sa kanila?"
"Hindi. Let's go on an adventure tonight, just the two of us."
We sneaked our way out and ran as fast as we could pagkalabas namin ng lobby. Buti na lang may 7/11 na malapit kaya pumasok na kami doon. Nagulat ata yung cashier staff kasi bigla bigla kaming pumasok and we were laughing while catching our breaths.
"Baliw ka, Risa! Pwede naman tayo magpasama sa kanila bakit pa tayo tumakas?"
"In the world we live in, my VP, we need to have fun every once in a while."
I smiled at her. Hindi lang dahil she called me 'my VP' but also because she's right. We really did need to have fun, masyado kaming tensed at pressured recently. Masaya lang akong ang kasama kong mag-enjoy, na minsan ko lang magawa, is her.
Binati namin 'yung staff na nandito tapos dumiretso kami sa may cooler and she took out two drumsticks, "You want this flavor?"
"Oo, okay na 'yan. Wait lang kukuha akong Cheetos."
Buti na lang may Cheetos Puffs sila dito, kanina pa ako nagcecrave nito eh. I took one out of the shelf at kumuha na rin ako ng dalawang bottled water para sa'min. Pagkarating ko sa counter, hinihintay na ako ni Risa and she offered to pay. Sabi ko 'wag na pero she insisted kaya sige na lang.
"Treat ko next time." I told her.
"May next time?" She said teasingly. "Mukhang naenjoy mo ang thrill ng pagtakas ha."
"I did. Thank you, Ris."
Lumabas na kami after she paid for our food and ayaw pa bumalik ni Risa sa hotel kaya sa mga vacant tables sa labas kami umupo. It's a good thing na halos kaming dalawa lang 'yung andito saka wala masyadong dumadaan. Tahimik lang.
In the middle of her story about Sinta's pet horse, I caught myself staring at Risa with tunnel vision — like she's the only one I could see despite all the cars passing behind her.
I was immediately brought back to that one rally where I watched everyone in front of me dancing and singing along to the music, and then I saw her. Nakangiti naman na ako bago siya makita pero ewan. Pagkakita ko sa kanya, my smile instantly grew wider. I waved at her and she waved back.
In a sea of people clad in pink, Risa stood out to me, not because she wore white but because she was having the time of her life and I get to witness it. It's like watching a flower bloom and you get to feel so privileged, so honored, that it decided to do so in front of you.
And you end up wishing to see more of it.
I watched Risa's hands move animatedly, her eyes widen then squint, and then crinkle as she laughs. I watched her mouth move. Hindi ko na maintindihan masyado kung anong sinasabi niya as I was too busy watching the words spill out of her rose-colored lips.
I want to see more of that. More of Risa.
As I come to the realization na hindi ko na siya ulit makikita as often as I did in the span of the 90-day campaign period, I felt my heart go heavy. Ayoko pa. Hindi pa ako handa.
She called my attention and started waving a packet of Chocnut in my face. "I got you your fave!" Napangiti na lang ako eh. Hays, the things you do to me, Risa Hontiveros.
I opened my mouth to talk, wanting to tell her about how I'm feeling pero walang salitang lumalabas. Dahil sa kaba? Sa takot? Ewan. But now I know for sure.
May gusto ako sa kanya and it's driving me crazy.
