DM #4: Ares Madriaga

Kabanata 9

Kabanata 9

Tattoo

The past days of being with him made me realize a lot of things. He's nice to be with, even when sometimes I get annoyed by his sarcastic expressions whenever we were talking.

I was able to say that because he always brings me wherever he goes. He doesn't want me to feel left out, or alone. It was new to me, maybe because I never expected him to do that.

Ang inaasahan ko ay iiwan niya lamang ako sa villa habang siya ay abala sa medical mission. Ang mga inaasahan kong gagawin niya pagdating namin ng Siargao ay kabaliktaran lahat.

He brought me to their medical mission, knowing I can't help with them because of my different profession. He also pushed me to lead when we donated a lot of goods to the people living in the poor areas.

The donation I gave was the best thing I ever did. The fulfillment I felt can't be measured. Dala-dala ko na yata iyon hanggang sa mga susunod na taon.

I didn't even expect that it's been a lot of times that he went to Siargao for a medical mission. Kung hindi dahil sa mga taong pumupuri at sumasalubong sa kanya, hindi ko malalamang palagi pala siyang pumupunta rito.

He was able to prove himself to me, despite the awful perceptions I have for him. He looks hard and ruthless, but deep inside, he's soft and gentle when it comes to the people he cares for. And it's almost funny to me because he made me feel that he cares for me too.

Ayaw kong pansinin pero hindi ko maiwasang punain. I'm aware how he touches and treat me differently. I would lie if I said that it doesn't have any effect on me. I'm attracted to him, kaya sa tingin ko ay normal lang ang ganoong mga reaksyon.

But for him to do that really put me to question. What's the purpose of him taking care of me when in the first place, I'm not his obligation. Tatanggapin ko siguro kapag sa Siargao lang siya ganito sa akin pero hindi.

I'm not raising my hope because to begin with, I'm not expecting anything from him. Ang nais ko lang malaman sa bawat oras na kasama siya ay kung bakit niya ito ginagawa. Nais kong magtanong pero wala rin akong sapat na lakas ng loob.

I'm aware of my emotions, and I'm not happy with how things are currently going. Hindi ako sanay at ayaw ko ring masanay, lalo na sa kanya mismo.

The group of doctors and nurses thought that I'm his girlfriend. I told them once that I'm just his friend, which is I'm not even sure about, but then they never believe me. Dahil sino naman ang maniniwala sa akin kung nasa iisang villa lamang kami ni Ares. Siguro kapag nalaman nila na may fiancé ako, hindi nila iisipin iyon.

Papa has been asking for an update every night. Ang isinasagot ko lang parati ay patuloy ang pangungumbinsi ko kay Ares tungkol sa pag-invest.

Even when we're just texting, I can still feel his desperation. Sinasabi niya nang pwersahin ko si Ares na papirmahin kahit na alam niyang hindi ko iyon kaya.

I can't just fool Ares to sign a contract without him knowing. He's too smart to let me do that.

Wala na akong planong sumunod sa mga gustong gawin ni Papa. I don't want him to use another name again for his benefit. Matindi ang pagtutol ko pero minsan, hindi ko maiwasan ma-guilty kay Ares.

It was like my intentions is not pure. Ang nasa isip ko ay nandito ako sa Siargao para sa ikalawang pabor ni Ares, pero hindi ako makakapunta dito kung hindi dahil sa plano ni Papa. It felt like I'm here to follow my father's demand, and not for my own plan. It was like I'm controlled and can't do anything on my own will without anyone's demand.

Today is our last day in Siargao. Mamayang madaling araw ay tutulak na kami pabalik ng Manila. I don't want to leave yet, but I don't have a choice. Wala rin akong rason para manatili pa.