DM #4: Ares Madriaga

Kabanata 13

Kabanata 13

Plan

I locked myself in a room the next day. I chose to stay in a suite rather than in my condo. That place suffocates me for some reason.

I realized a lot of things inside the four corners of the room. Hindi ko sigurado kung naging payapa ba ako sa dami ng mga bagay na pumapasok sa isipan ko.

I realized that I'm not just weak but also, I'm afraid. Anyone around me will judge if they have an idea about my setup with Papa. They will surely think that I'm dumb for letting him abuse me, physically and emotionally, even when I grew up independently.

They will find me funny because, who wouldn't? Tanga. Mahina. Bobo. People will surely call me that, but I think they should also try to put themselves in this situation. They can judge me but before they could do that, they should also be considerate enough to understand how complicated my situation is.

I'm financially stable, a professional and successful in my own field. There's no reason for me not to fight back. I can bravely stand for myself, but I chose not to.

It's true that even if you have the money and name, you will still need a family that you need to lean on. I didn't bother to fight back because I knew that once I fought back, I would be alone.

I grew up with no one on my side. I grew up under the supervision of Papa after my mother died. I was young back then when my father took me, and still in need of proper guidance coming from a parent. But Papa only took me to supply my needs, which I'm also grateful for.

Tita Martha accepted me into their household too despite the fact that she resented my mother and I'm an illegitimate child of my father. They accepted me into their household, but they didn't accept me as a family. I grew up feeling like an outcast.

Siguro ito ang dahilan kung bakit desperado akong magkaroon ng pamilya ay dahil hindi ko naranasan iyon habang lumalaki. At kahit hanggang ngayon, nananatili akong desperado.

I grew up, begging and desperate to be part of the family. I have the surname of my father, but it doesn't mean I'm part of the family. He only passed his name to me because he knew how competitive I was in the business. Ibinigay niya lang sa akin ang apelyido niya nang tumungtong ako ng desi-otso at nakikitaan na ng kakayahan sa kompanya.

I was so happy that time as I strive harder to do better. I proved myself for multiple times to deserve their love, but I guess it wasn't enough. At siguro kahit ialay ko pa ang buhay ko, wala pa ring mangyayari.

Nang kinuha ako ni Papa, hindi ko na naranasan ang magkaroon ng magulang at pamilya. It's not like I felt like I have a family when I was still with Mama. We only have each other, but she's busy chasing for my father to give a proper attention to her child.

Bata pa lang ako noon pero napagtanto ko na na mahirap magpalaki ng anak ng mag-isa lang, lalo na't hirap pa si Mama sa buhay. At hanggang ngayon, dumaan man ang ilang taon, baon ko pa rin ang reyalisasyon na iyon.

It was like a lesson, an eye-opener for me to realize that I shouldn't settle for someone who isn't sure of himself, because how can he be sure of me if he's not even sure of himself?

I don't want to be a single mom. Surely, I can sustain the needs of my child, but I'm thinking about her sake as she grows up. But once her father denies her, just like what my father did to me, I won't force it. Ayaw kong magaya sa akin na pilit na tinanggap ni Papa.

I don't have any plans yet in settling for someone I will choose, but I won't take any possibilities for granted.

I suddenly thought of Ares. Before meeting him, I thought marriage for convenience was perfect for me, but after a few weeks, I learned that marrying for love is not really bad for me at all.