The day I rescued you and everything changed (TxT's Soobin Fanfiction)

Chapter 11: You opened my eyes

We leaned back in silence again as Kasumi changed topic: "So? What to do with Ari now?" "I guess I have to give up on us for good now", I sighed, realization finally hitting me. "Finally!", she exclaimed and I flinched. "Sorry", she chuckled. "Soobin, your expression changed so much when Ari confronted you that first night. You immediately looked exhausted. That wasn't the look of someone in love with somebody else. It was the look of someone trying to cling onto something with all his might and believe me, I know what I am talking about. I saw eyes like this every day in the mirror a year ago. When I tried to deny the fact that Minhyuk was having cancer. Or that it was unavoidable that he would die. Or that he was actually dead. And hearing about what she put you through tore my heart apart because that's not love. That's egoism and love doesn't work with egoism. Love is altruism for each other. It doesn't work if only one does everything for the other. It's a gift from heaven, but one so fragile, so precious that some people never really experience it. We have to be careful with our heart for we only have one and it's the one part of our body that's the most vulnerable. Literally and metaphorically."

Her eyes were a bit teary and I wanted to hug her, yet didn't dare to. She took a deep breath and continued: "I tried to help you, tried to make you understand that this wasn't right but at the same time I wasn't sure if I should even interfere. I didn't know the full situation and you were holding on to it so stubbornly I realized I wouldn't have a chance. If I would just have bluntly told you, you would probably have denied it and upon me not knowing the two of you in general maybe even cling to it more. The irony in all this is that in fact, by trying to help you, I think you rescued me from myself. I was so self-centred since Minhyuk died. I didn't really allow myself to be happy anymore. And when you entered my life, I wanted to remind you what true happiness is – and found it for myself again. You made me realized that life is not yet finished with me. That I still have a role to play in this mess. I even managed to finish the book. It's a stupid ending by the way for a book. But a very good one still because it's real. Anyway, I have to thank you. Oh, and by the way – I won't move. When you said you consider inviting Ari in that restaurant, I thought my trials of making you realize were useless. I felt like you were suddenly starting to see me as your problem solver without admitting the actual problem which would have turned into unavoidable disappointment for both of us. That's why I contemplated it again."

I stared at her. I had already realized that she had quite deep thoughts, yet she kept surprising me with it. I understood why Minhyuk was so in love with her. She truly was something special but her unreachable attitude scared people off and even if one got to know her, I bet it took way longer than it had for me now to gain her trust and get to know the real her. I wondered though... Was else was behind these deep, enigmatic and beautiful eyes, waiting to surprise me? "Soobin", her hum made me snap out of it, "Stop trying to figure me out, you still have a long way to go for that. Even though I have to admit you're slowly starting to get better at it." I blushed and she laughed, knowing very well that she had guessed right. "You only have an advantage because I was drunk the first time and afterwards thought it couldn't get worse anyway. Plus, I didn't think I'd ever see you again", she told me and reached out for her cup.

"Sorry for putting you in the role of my problem solver", I then mumbled. She smiled and me and tilted her head. "Not for that", she assured me, "I get why. I was on the search for problem solver a lot back then too. Let me tell you one thing though: You're the only person that can solve your problems. Friends can only help, yet they can't fully solve them. But believe me, I gladly help if you want my support instead of a solution." "You're booked then", I announced with a grin. She laughed, throwing her head back into her neck. I found my heart skipping a beat. She had such a calming aura, I had completely forgotten about the whole arrest-incident. And her laugh made me feel happy, free, satisfied. "Thanks", I told her before realizing I was talking. The words came straight from my heart, I understood, so I just went on: "Thanks for rescuing me today. And I do not only mean the police department, you participated a lot more in realizing in how messed-up my relationship was – well, technically still is. Thank you so much." She smiled: "We're even then, I guess." I chuckled.

It got quite late until I finally left her. She had wanted to drive me home, but I had averted her offer. I wanted to feel the chilly night air and just enjoy the walk back. It wasn't too far anyway, 20 minutes maybe. I had to promise her to go and talk to Ari right the next day. As I told her that I usually drove Ari to work, she had told me to use that as my chance with quite firm voice. "But", she added, "Wait for the right timing. It's no fun to drive 20 minutes in angry silence after you broke up." I had shrugged and nodded. "Soobin", she had scolded me with squinted eyes, "I can tell you aren't brave enough yet. Muster up, Mister! No need to be afraid!" I had laughed softly and said that I would try. I felt light as I walked back, deeply satisfied and relieved like I haven't been for a long time. I felt free. At last.