Lost In My Mind

More Marcus

When I went to school the next day, I had completely forgotten about Marcus. So when he came up to me in the hall I was caught off guard.

"Hey Holly." Marcus said with a huge smile on his face.

"Hi Marcus." I say with a bit of confusion.

"I wonder what we will write today in English..." He says.

"Yeah..." Wow this is getting awkward. Why do I have to be awkward? Why?

"Hey I have to go to class so yeah..." I say to break the silence.

"Yeah. OK see ya in English." Marcus says.

Wow. That was weird. Can we not do that again. I just don't feel like talking today. But that's everyday.

My first class is history. I absolutely hate history. Why should we care about dead people. It's kinda weird. History is probably my worst subject due to the fact I never pay attention.

But it doesn't matter. Nothing ever matters in high school. All you do is pass classes with a grade C. Drag yourself through the hallways. Finally graduate and go to college. And that's it. College will be even worse. More people, more teachers, hard classes. But I guess that's life. You know, being pushed around, taking tests, making dumb decisions.

After that terrible class was English. Great. Marcus is going to talk to me again. I walk as slow as I can to the classroom but it's too late. Marcus is standing in the doorway as if he's ready to great me.

"Holly! Hey!" He says.

Ugh. Why does he have to be so cheerful.

"Hi..." I say finally.

He looks at me kinda awkwardly.

"Why are you so quiet all the time?" He says.

I hesitate. I don't want to tell him the truth. Because the truth is, I absolutely hate people. I find them annoying. But I can't tell this to Marcus because I may hurt his feeling.

Great here we go again with the feelings and emotions. Ugh. It makes me sick. When people are so happy it makes me appear as if I'm the bad guy, and I don't like that.

We finally get into the classroom. I sit at my usual spot. And surprise surprise, Marcus comes and sits right next to me. Why...

I usually like to sit by myself. I like to have peace and quiet. I like it to be just me and my thoughts.

"What do you think we will be doing today?" Marcus asked.

"I don't know." I say, "Hopefully more poems. Those I'm actually good at."

"Are you kidding? You write the best poems and stories. You could be an official writer or something." Marcus said.

"Thanks." I reply answering shyly. I hope I'm not blushing. Remember Holly, no emotions. You can't let Marcus see you making a fool of yourself.

Mrs. Charles walks into the classroom. "Ok class today we will be writing another poem. But this one has to be about what you are thinking in your mind."

Ok. I don't know if this is a good thing or a bad thing. I mean my mind is pretty cruel and dark. My anxiety doesn't help the fact that my mind can be kinda depressing as well.

"This is going to be tough." Marcus whispers to me.

"Why is that?" I ask.

"I don't really know what I'm thinking."

"It's really not that hard Marcus. You just half to go to be very back of your mind. Maybe your darkest fears or your greatest moment. Whatever makes you happy I guess."

With that I take out a piece of paper and begin to write. I decide to write about my demon of a thing. My anxiety.

"Holly. Could you please share your poem?"

Ok. She didn't ask for volunteers but whatever.

I look to the side of me and Marcus is giving me a thumbs up.

I go to the front of the class and begin to read.

"The scariest thing about demons,
Is that they hide in your head where no one can see them.
They sit there and wait,
Waiting for you to break.
And when you do,
No one will have a clue.
They demons will keep you quiet.
Making sure you don't start a riot.
For when you try to scream,
Nothing will come out just your tears begin to stream.
And when the demons are done,
You will have nowhere to go, nowhere to run.
So you sit and stare
And are gasping for air.
And remember we that the demons can see,
That you cannot flee."

When I'm done reading I finally lol up from my paper. Everyone has stopped messing with their pencils. They've stopped throwing erasers at each other. They are actually paying attention for once. They are all staring at me. I turn my head and look at Marcus, who seems to be speechless. Even Mrs. Charles has nothing to say. She just sorta nods me back to my desk.

As I sit down I hear Marcus give out a little wow under his breath. I guess my mind is a little to real for everybody. But now they see what really happens behind the mind of a awkward girl...