Come Find Me

39

ANDY'S POINT OF VIEW:

God I fucking love him. Even when he's beyond sick and whimpering on the bed, or when he's energetic and bouncing off the walls, or when he's in a drug fueled rage he is cursing me to death...god he's mine. Remi made it out of the worst of the withdrawal and I thought he was better until yesterday. He woke up uncomfortable and his body was a little bit hot. He said his body was cramping and his tummy was feeling ill but I was able to calm him back to sleep. He slept most of the day away and didn't even eat. He just stared off into space, not recognizing my voice or anything around him. It's fucking scary.

"He's disassociating," Benny yawns as he checks Remi over. "I don't need any tests to tell you that."

I furrow my eyebrows at the huge man. What the fuck? "I don't understand, explain."

Remi blinks a bit and looks up at me, giving me a shy smile. I smile back at him and turn to Benny again.

"I don't believe any of this is withdrawal symptoms, and if it is it's very minor. He's going through anxiety Andy. He's having bad spouts of anxiety, panic attacks, and restless nights. I can tell you, when I came in here at first, he was disassociating. You think he was watching the telly with you? Ask him what you two were watching. I bet you anything that he doesn't know."

"So...what, he is spacing out? That's not all that bad. I mean I do it all the time." I shrug. I don't know how to help with this.

"Come with me in the kitchen, let's get him a glass of water."

I follow the taller man and close the door to my bedroom softly.

"I don't know where your fucking glasses are so you fetch him one."

I chuckle, going into the cabinet next to the fridge. I grab a mug instead and fill the kettle up, turning on the burner.

"So you think he's spacing out because of anxiety."

"I know he is. Andy, dude, he killed someone."

I roll my eyes. "We've all killed someone Benny."

"Not Remington. He isn't a gang member. He isn't used to kill or be killed. He's used to shooting up, giving up and spreading his legs to have a roof over his head, shaking his naked ass all over a stage at horny men."

What the fuck? Why would he ever talk about him like this? "Watch it," I growl.

"No Andy just hear me out for a goddamn second. Living here has changed him, you have to admit it. He was being raped at least weekly, dancing every day to barely make ends meet, shooting up drugs to being on the arm of one of the wealthiest gang leaders, being sought out for his crimes and sold as someone's slave, to now, which is after waking up from being in a coma to hiding from his husband to killing a man who tried to touch him." We both stare at each other for a while. I don't even know what to say. So what, I fucked him up?!

"Andy, the man has deep rooted issues and anxiety. He's disassociating from the stress and fear. He's literally detaching himself from his body and spacing out, not remembering what he was doing or who was talking to him."

The kettle starts to whistle and I shut the heat off, pouring the hot water into a mug and adding a green tea bag. "So what, are you calling me a bad husband? What the fuck do I do then Benjamin? I'm not letting him go again!"

"You aren't a bad husband, you just need to be understanding with him. Lots of reassurances, gentle reminders that you love him. Besides that, he needs fucking anxiety medication. You can't keep dosing him up with 2mg of Klonopin. You are going to start a whole new addiction and pill addictions aren't fucking pretty."

I take the tea bag out of the mug and toss it in the trash, leaning against the counter in defeat. "I just want him to be okay. Are you willing to put him on something?"

Benny nods. "I will start him on something easy like Prozac and see how it affects him. Let his body get used to it and then I'll probably get him something heavier if need be. That, and he should find a therapist. I'm sure Tess would be available to talk to him a couple times a week."

"Who the fuck is Tess?" I furrow my eyebrows.

"Contessa, the one that took the bullet out of your shoulder."

Oh, that bitch. That fucking hurt!

"Set something up and we will see if he handles it alright."

Benny nods and walks out of my suite. I stand there with a hot cuppa and I can't help but think everything over. God fuck I never thought a man would bring me to my knees but Remi has plus some. I don't want him hurting or scared. Ugh I fucking hate this!

I grab the mug and walk into our room, finding my husband looking out the window.

"Babe?"

He jumps up and blinks a couple times, looking around the room. I walk over to him and place the mug in his little hands, kissing his forehead.

"Um, is everything okay?" Remi looks so fucking tired. He has purple bags under his eyes and he yawns so big it's fucking adorable. I love it.

I sit on the bed next to him and rub his thigh gently. "Yeah babe, everything is going to be fine."

He takes a long sip of his green tea and closes his eyes, a little smile spreading across his plump lips.

"This tastes like fucking heaven."

"You taste like fucking heaven."

Remi chokes and sputters a cough, his cheeks blushing a pale pink. "You can't just go saying that stuff!"

"Sure I can," I shrug. "You know what baby, we never celebrated your 21st."

"I kinda did. That was the night Nikolas tried to get me to shoot up with him and James found us. Wasn't all that fun of a time really."

I chuckle, shaking my head. "Tomorrow night, you, me, some of the boys, let's go out to a club baby. And actually have a good time."

"Just as long as I am with you," he yawns, handing me his mug and snuggling into the sheets.