Grim, Speak the Shadows

Part 15

Hunter was used to all sorts of negative feelings. He was used to feeling like a failure, he was used to feeling anxious or nervous (especially around Belos), he was used to anger, frustration, inadequacy, loneliness, sadness...But what he was feeling right now, this feeling was too much, way too much. It was overwhelming, completely and totally overwhelming. It was all of the negative emotions he'd ever felt combined and multiplied by a thousand.

He'd never felt more hopeless. He'd never felt more small.

Right now, Hunter didn't even know where to begin. It was too much, it was all just too much. Everything was a lie. Everything.

This whole time, he'd been helping a witch Hunter. Is that why Belos gave him his name? Because he was just going to be used as a disposable tool, a puppet, to help the Emperor fulfill his vile goal? Because he was unintentionally helping Belos hurt others?

How could he trust someone like that...How could he just blindly do whatever his..uncle...told him to do, no questions asked? Even trapped in Belos' mind, even after seeing his gruesome memories, Hunter still defended him...How could he do that? Why was it that it literally took Belos trying to kill him for him to realize that yeah, maybe his uncle wasn't so great after all. He'd just been living in denial this whole time. What a fool he'd been. What a complete, utter fool.

A part of Hunter wondered if he would've gone back to the castle if Belos didn't know they were in his mind. He didn't want to think it, but...Would he be back there right now? Even after knowing what a horrible man Belos was, even after discovering he was a Grimwalker, whatever that was, would he still be back at the castle right now, after learning everything he did, if Belos never knew he and Luz were in his mind?

Hunter was afraid the answer would be yes. Even after all of that, if Belos still welcomed him, still gave him a place...He would still be there by Belos' side if he could. Yeah, Hunter was hurt, deeply hurt. He was scared and terrified of the person he trusted, of the person he thought he knew.

But Belos was all Hunter had ever known. He had no life outside of the castle, besides some feeble beginnings of friendship. He had nothing if he didn't have Belos.

And how messed up did that make him? Who in their right mind would still want to go back after all of that?

But he couldn't go back. Even if he wanted to go back after all of that, he couldn't. Belos knew he was in his mind. He knew that Hunter knew some of his darkest secrets. He knew that Hunter knew he was a Grimwalker now, and because of all that, Belos already tried to kill him, just like he killed all of the previous Golden Guards.

Hunter knew his morals were all over the place right now because he knew that he could have potentially excused all of the bad things Belos did, claiming that Belos was still a good person and if he did those things, he had a very good reason to. How screwed up did he have to be to think that?

But then he found out about the previous guards. "It wasn't wild magic, was it?" It was all just another lie, another lie to cover up another terrible truth. "What a shame. Out of the Grimwalkers, you looked the most like him."

What was a Grimwalker, anyway? What was he?

Hunter thought he knew what he was--a teen prodigy, the emperor's right hand man, and a powerless witch who was given a chance--but now...Now, he wasn't so sure...

It was only days ago that Hunter was so desperately trying to be worthy of wearing the Golden Guard sigil, but now the sight of it just made him sick, it choked him. The truth was, Belos didn't need him, he didn't even want him. Hunter was just disposable. Belos just tossed him away like all of the others...The others. How many...How many Grimwalkers were there before him? How many others did Belos also just throw away? And-and how many more would come after him?