I am Myself | HSM FF

Scene 3

The cafeteria was bustling with activity the next day. Sharpay sat with no tray or food, like typical her. People think she hates school food and is spoiled but it's deeper than that. I offered her my apple, but she rejected it.

"Shar you need to eat," I whispered to her.

"No I don't," She replied with a whisper.

"I don't care if you throw it up, just eat it."

"No."

"Please Shar, I worry about you."

Yes, she's anorexic. I've tried everything to help, but she doesn't accept it. Sharpay took the apple and stared at it for a while. I ate my lunch quietly, observing every movement she takes. She broke the apple up into pieces and slowly ate each one.

I feel bad that this is happening to her. She got up and left, I knew what she was going to do. My heart craved for her. The food on my tray got cold, making me go and throw it away, putting the tray on a rack. My mind ran with so many thoughts. Classmates were focused on their own conversations, letting me slip into the bathroom, in a stall taking deep breaths.

Shuffles of feet walking could be heard, restricting my breath.

"I'm so stupid," A voice spoke, it was Chad.

"I knew he'd hate me, he probably regrets dating me."

I stepped out of the stall, Chad's back turned to me. Letting out a breath through my nose, I was ready.

"I don't hate you Chad, and so far I don't regret anything," I stepped in.

He spun around to see me in surprise. His eyes started at my white hat, going to my argyle sweater, then my white pants, finally stopping at the white shoes. Chad let out a low chuckle and had sparkles in his eyes.

"I'm sorry, I thought I drive you away," He told me, his hands resting on my arms.

"Don't worry about it," I responded with my hand gently on his.

"I'm sorry."

"Quit apologizing Chad."

He gave me a soft kiss and looked at the entrance. We stepped away from each other, I raised my eyebrow.

"Troy doesn't know about us," Chad commented.

"Is he.... you know?" I asked.

"He acts like it, I can tell you that much."

That made my stomach turn and felt like mush. I was going to leave, but Chad pulled me back.

"I'm sorry you found out this way," Chad quietly spoke.

"Don't talk to me if your own friend is homophobic," I bitterly answered.

I shoved his hand off me and walked back to the cafeteria. Did I just mess up? It doesn't matter anymore. But I couldn't just bring myself to tell Chad the truth. My dad has been trying to straighten me out, mom included. Sharpay leaves me alone for who I am.

The cafeteria was a mess, Sharpay probably caused another food fight. The jocks stared at me as I went up to the level my sister and I sit at. She was there, reapplying her lipstick. Sitting down next to her, I remained quiet. Her gaze focused on me.

"Did something happen?" She asked, closing the mirror and putting her stuff away.

"Chad told me Troy is homophobic," I replied bluntly.

"That doesn't mean Chad is that way Ryan."

"And I don't want a boyfriend to know someone homophobic."

"They can't handle that until they know."

"It doesn't matter, I'll break up with him tomorrow."

"It's only been a day, and over that? Ryan you're being dramatic."

"So?"

"I understand that throughout your life so many people were homophobic towards you, but this isn't the way."

"Then what's the way Shar?!"

She went silent and took deep breaths. I gave up, stood from my spot and walked to the auditorium. Ms. Darbus gave me a bunch of paper and paint to do whatever I wanted. She told me to try and not leave any paint on the stage and I agreed.

I used a paintbrush to create a chaotic piece. It was a bunch of blues, greens, and purples scattered amongst the paper. This was a way for me to let out all of my conflicting emotions, and honestly I loved it. I felt like a kid with a proper childhood whenever I painted. It made me realize that art is something that has a purpose in my life.

"Hi Ryan," someone spoke.

I looked up to see Zeke holding a plastic container.

"Hi," I replied.

"Sharpay wanted me to find you."

"I expected that."

"Here take a cookie."

He opened the container to reveal a bunch of cookies. They did look appealing but I had to ask a question.

"What kind are they?" I asked.

"Peanut butter," He replied, but I interrupted him.

"I'm allergic to that."

"Take this, it's chocolate chip."

I took it from his hand and glanced back up at him. My eyes welled with tears a little and he noticed. I nibbled on the cookie a bit.

"What's the matter?" He asked.

"Did Chad tell the team?" I asked back.

"About what?"

"Chad and I."

"Uh... yeah."

"I want to break up with him."

"I'll be here for you Ryan, of course if you need to talk."

"Thanks Zeke."

He stood up and went towards the doors of the room. Pausing he looked back to me.

"I don't have any friends that are homophobic, Troy was never my friend," he mentioned and walked out.

My eyes widened at that. Zeke was different than anyone else I met. His voice was calming and his way of words was incredible. I remained at my spot and decided to give another paper a try. My thoughts filled of Zeke as I mindlessly colored the page. A mixture of reds, blues, pinks, and purples led to the piece. My breath hitched back as I held it up to the stage lights. It was perfect.

With the last paper I thought about Chad. Mindlessly I used greens, grays, and blacks. Once I finished that one I held it to the light and knew what I felt. The bell rung, making me stand up, gathering all my things and the paintings going to main class. Our main class period was weird, but it didn't matter. I walked in as everyone else sat down.

I felt Chad's eyes look at me as I tapped Sharpay's shoulder.

"Are you okay Ryan?" She asked me.

"I'm better now, I want to show you something," I answered.

Her brow raised in curiosity as I showed her my first piece. Her eyes softened and gave me a small smile.

"It's beautiful brother," She told me.

"Thank you," I replied.

I saw Zeke across the room doing some schoolwork, letting my feet carry me over to him. He perked up, his brown eyes seeming interested.

"I uh, made you something," I whispered, placing the piece of paper that reminded me of Zeke onto his desk.

He looked at it and looked back at me. A warmth was shown in his eyes, making me smile. Zeke smiled in return.

"This is amazing Ryan," He whispered.

"Thank you," I whispered back.

"Can you meet me in the home ec room after school?"