vamp!neil cicierega x fem reader [lowkey abandoned sorry]

chapter 10.5: year of the vacuum

on your way to the comedy club superman was performing at, you and neil walked by a small looking pet shop that gave you a weird vibe. "hey look its a totally normal pet shop we should go in" you suggest, shrugging. "i wonder if they have bats" neil said, holding open the entrance door for you. "they wouldnt you IDIOT people dont keep bats as pets" "oh yeah" he mumbled walking in after you. the owner of the store seemed to be the only person working there, and he looked ominous but not in a yass way but more in a wtf way you know >_< he was wearing a suit, weird attire for a pet shop (but it couldve been worse), and was occupied with listening to a tape and sketching in some kind of planner. there was a clear raincoat hung on the coat rack beside the entrance door, that had a slight red tint in some places. as for the inside of the store, there was a tv mounted on the wall that was playing videos of a bearded man wearing sunglasses talking about random things, like vacuum fetish videos. to each their own i guess lol you thought, brushing it off as just a weird occurrence. neil already disappeared into one of the aisles while you were standing by the bird cages. you peered into one of them and saw a small blue parakeet. you blinked at it, and it started screeching. "don't look into the bird's eyes." the store owner said, in a cold monotone voice while straightening his valentino couture suit and slicking back his hair with his hand. you shivered, immediately feeling dread in the pit of your stomach. you just kinda awkwardly stared at him and slowly searched the aisles for neil. he was standing in the middle of the livestock feed aisle, staring at the chickens on each chicken feed bag. you almost forgot he was a vampire until he licked his lips and accidentally flashed his fangs unbeknownst to him. "uh neil i think we should look at the reptiles now" "uhhuh yeah" he sussily whispered as you grabbed his arm and pulled him towards the reptile area. neil immediately made eye contact with one of the snakes and briskly walked over to it. "did i ever tell you that im allergic to snakes" neil said, his face practically pressed to the glass of the enclosure. "uh no why are you so close to it if you're allergic 🤨" you questioned. "idk i just like them, maybe because we both have fangs" he mumbled. "ew stop being cringe, like this story" you retorted, not even getting a real reason. "OH MY GOODNESS ONE OF THE SNAKES JUST VENTED THEY ARE SO SUSSY" you screeched, seeing that one of the previous occupied enclosures was now empty. "WHAT?" neil sputtered, flabbergasted. you glanced over at the front counter, and the store owner was gone. "shit," you held your face in your hands while thinking of what to do. "you have to carry me, im not ending my 50 million year old lifetime just because of a STUPID snake" neil exclaimed, exasperated at the very thought of dying for good. thinking of a response to that, you answered one of your own questions out loud. "we need to find it, the shop owner is gonna kill us or something, that guy is mega sus." you said, scratching your head.

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yall im back kinda maybe idk but yeah enjoy this little thing i made bc i was bored, yes there is a part 2 i haven't written it yet but i will when i can 🚛
also did you guys catch the cameos? i'll give you a hint, tv and owner 🚨