You Are My Home. ( L.S. )

the ways I hate him

big big tw

We got to the ice cream place and I got this soft serve blue kind, not really sure what the flavor was but it reminded me of Louis' eyes so I got it.

I looked over at Louis who was also eating his ice cream and just glared at him. 

I hate him for everything he has done.

I hate him for loving him.

I hate him simply for the reason he left me and how he did it.

I hate him because I don't even hate him.

I sigh before licking my ice cream, feeling more sober than I was before.

this was the first thing I've eaten since I got here like two or three days ago.

the thought made me not hungry so I got up and gave it to Niall knowing he would take it. I got up and walked to the bathroom and locked myself in a stall before bending down in front of it.

I sat there for a bit with my eyes closed before using my fingers to make myself puke. 

it wasn't long. it would have lasted longer if I didn't hear the door open.

I flushed after wiping my face with toilet paper and then went out of the stall, washing my hands.

"are you okay?" I froze before looking up

"Why would I not be?" 

"you left suddenly."

"I didn't like the ice cream." 

"bullshit that's your favorite flavor" Liam said

I turned around with a smirk as I dry my hands off 

I turn to him before saying "Don't act like you know me Liam."

"I do"

"No, you know me three years ago. right now you've got no clue who I am." I said this time with no smirk or playful tone

I walked out of the bathroom and sat next to the boys in silence before Liam came back out.

"That's bullshit Harry" He said sitting across from me catching all of the boys attention and they all tuned in on the conversation "I know you, we all do."

"Alright then tell me a couple things about me." I said placing my arms on the table crossed

"You love singin-"

"something the whole damn world doesn't know Liam"

"Alright, you love the beach, your favorite color is blue cause of Louis' eyes, you treat people kindly even if they don't treat you well cause you know life can get shitty, you eat watermelon once every two weeks at least or more, and you love kids because you always wanted a little sibling"

I stare at hims before laughing.

"you've gotten one thing right" I said and he looked upset, I looked at Louis before saying "Blue isn't really my thing anymore, I'm more of a purple guy"

Louis looked like he wanted to cry as he ducked his head down and I almost felt bad.

"Like I've told you Liam, you know nothing about me anymore. wait no never mind, you do know I love beaches" I smiled cheeky at him before dropping to a straight face.

"Let's get going, I got too sober too fast." I said before getting up taking my keys next to Louis and getting in my car

"I still don't think you should drive" Liam said while standing out there with the rest of the boys

"Then walk back" I said before driving off seeing their shocked faces

I got to my house walking in much lonelier then I walked out. 

I went down stairs and started chugging again. I contacted the people I hired to take care of my house, telling them to restock my drinks every Sunday.

I was still drinking when I heard them all come back in the house.

They come downstairs im assuming to get their shit.

They all looked upset.

I just watched them, at the bar.

they got their keys and things but Liam came over

"You're right Harry I don't know you anymore. you're a prick now." 

I got up from my chair and walked in front of him with all the boys attention on me

"That's what I have been trying to tell you" I said with a cold tone and blank face 

I turned around but before walking up the stairs I could hear them all talking

"Why is he like that?" 

It was Zayn who said that.

Liam and Zayn are the only ones who looked angry really, Louis and Niall just looked upset.

I walked up the stairs all the way to the kitchen. I took out a orange and just stared at it.

how is it that a simple thing like eating is so hard to do. 

its hard to swallow the food down my throat, its hard to not make myself puke after I do, most of all its hard to have the motivation to even take the food out.

I didn't notice the boys come up while I was staring at the food with a look not even I myself could describe.

"Are you alright Harry?" I heard Niall ask

I whipped my head up and grabbed the orange in shock, almost dropping the bottle in my hands.

I only stared at him before closing my eyes and breathing out, my heart was pounding in my throat.

I opened my eyes and walked out of the room, putting the orange back on the table.

"You can see yourself out" I yelled so they would hear me

I went out back taking everything but my boxers off and finally putting the bottle down before diving into the pool.

I came back to the top just floating on my back.

my ribs visible

my eyes shut

my stomach hungry 

I starting humming a tune, little things by the one and only one direction

I love Louis Tomlinson but I can rant to you about all the ways I hate him.

I love and hate all the little things about him.

I miss him every day morning and night.

I wake up and my first thought is to turn over to get a kiss from Louis.

I go to bed and my last thought is how I wish I was in bed with Louis.

I dream at night of the memories me and Louis have.

Maybe I am obsessed or maybe I'm heartbroken and in love.

maybe none of it was real.

I just continue to hum little things over and over again.

because I truly do love every little thing about Louis Tomlinson.

~~~~~~~~~

I hope you are all happy and healthy my loves.

don't forget to eat and drink enough water, remember you're always more than enough.

I hope you liked the book.

Also I have the worst throat infection ever (not really) but I can't hangout with people and literally have been sitting in my room doing nothing for so long. I'm dying of boredom my loves.

don't forget to vote ! <3