You Are My Home. ( L.S. )

lost & alone?

I sat up in my bed, awake right away.

I acted like I didn't care but it broke my heart to see him like that, honestly it really did.

He shut the door behind him and ran to the bed, practically jumping on me as he cried into the hoodie I was wearing which was funny cause it was actually his.

"Here." he said sitting back at a distance and watching me carefully 

He handed me a folder and his phone. 

I reached over and turned the light on the nightstand on.

I looked at the folder first seeing the exact note but printed along with the date and Louis' and Simons signature saying that he would rewrite it saying it was from him.

my heart dropped as I felt like crying, I couldn't keep it in. 

I let out a sob as I held my hands in my face and brought my knees to my chest.

Louis came over and hugged me right away "Theres more"

he gave me the phone although it was all blurry for me considering I couldn't see.

I heard a tape start playing.

"I recorded it cause I was gonna send it to you or let you hear it.. I almost forgot about it.."

*tape

Louis: Wait you want me to do what

Simon: We are not going to repeat. write the fucking letter Louis.

Louis: No! Why the fuck would I do that you bloody-

Simon: I will cut off all stunts, but if you finish that sentence I might have to change that

Louis: When are you giving it to him

Simon: right after you write it, then you stay here for two hours

Louis: Two hours you've got to be fucking joki-

*End tape

"I tried to fight about that but they just wouldn't let me and when I got back you were just gone" he said with tears running down his face

I didn't think he was going to be able to get proof, I really did not believe him.

I only looked at him with wide eyes.

Three years, I have love three years with my best friend, I have changed and hurt myself in so many ways, I have hurt Louis in so many ways, I've lost contact with not only the boys but my family. 

I have lost everything.

I looked at him with wide eyes, tears falling out with emotion I cannot describe.

what was I feeling?

Hatred, Loss, Love, Longing, Hurt, most of all I feel lost and alone and I have for a long time now but for the first time in years it actually affects me.

I looked down at my hands before putting them over my face and finally letting myself break.

Louis came over right away, pulling me against his chest.

"Don't cry, I'm here now baby." he said before taking my hands from my face and forcing me to look up at him "I am here now."

Vulnerable.

Vulnerable to be so open with the boy that is holding me as I cry when I have cried for years over him.

why.