You Are My Home. ( L.S. )

my house

I haven't seen the boys since that happened. Its been two days.

I have drank for every minute it feels.

I got the people who take care of my house to take care of the shopping since I knew the boys would start coming here. I told them all kinds, healthy junky, snacks, meals, drinks, ice cream. everything.

I wasn't worried about who was gonna eat it, Niall now comes here.

That's how I ended up standing in front of a watermelon.

I cut it open before I started eating a huge piece while sitting on my counter.

I ate half the watermelon before I was so full I thought I was actually gonna throw up.

I went upstairs on the third floor before entering the room I still am scared of. I cried as I walked in and started cleaning. I only picked the clothes off the floor and put them in the closet, vacuumed and threw out that three year old water, the last thing I did was change the bed sheets so they're now clean, the white comforter looked nice. 

I had walked into my private bathroom, putting new shampoo and conditioner, new skin care, and new toothpaste along with a new toothbrush after getting rid of all of the old things. 

I walked back in the room seeing the vanity bed, tv door to the closet and the bed side tables. most importantly though I saw the pictures on the wall and bedside table. 

I stared at them with the trash bag in my hand filled with useless stuff thinking if they belong in this bag or not.

after walking up to the bedside table picture with Lou on my back, I picked it up before putting it back down.

..they can stay there for now.

I then went in the music room and didn't do anything cause there wasn't anything to do in that room, same with the recording room.

I went to the second floor finding the gym, guest rooms, and a big bathroom. I cleaned up a bit of everywhere in there before finally going to the last floor.

the living room had pictures of the boys and me up on the wall, my mum and sister with me, and most of all me and Louis. I left them all up there but I cleaned the entire living room.

I cleaned the entire kitchen and bathroom, I even cleaned downstairs.

by the end I was exhausted and had sweatpants and no shirt on as I sat in the game room downstairs with a bottle of vodka in my hands.

I heard someone knocking at my door and walked up confused.

Im not in the mood to deal with the boys today I thought with a heavy sigh.

I opened the door with the bottle in my hands and my eyes widen to see a boy.

not four just one.

"Louis?"

"Hi Harry.. Could I come in?" he asked awkwardly

I moved to the side and watched him closely as he walked in, I could tell it made him uncomfortable as he put his head down as he walked into the house he used to walk into every day.

"It feels weird coming into the house now.. it used to be so normal." He whispered 

I didn't reply, only watched as he walked in. 

"Could we go in the living room?" He asked

I nodded my head slowly

I was more than confused. I would like to lie and say I was fine right now but the truth is far from that, my heart is going a million miles per hour.

I followed him as he walked himself to the living room.

I sat down on the couch as he went up to the wall and just stared at all the pictures.

"How is Anne and Gem doing?" He asked making small talk

I cleared my throat before sitting up straighter, a bit more tense "I wouldn't know, go ask them yourself" I said before putting my vodka on the table

"What do you mean by that?" He asked confused as he turned around

"You all already know I haven't talked to anyone in years" I said in a duh tone

his face went shocked

"I didn't think that meant your mother and sister too Harry." He said worried as he came to sit down next to me on the couch

"Why are you here Louis?" I ask ignoring him

"Do you not want me here?" He asked cheeky

I smiled a bit as I looked down at the couch before looking back up at him

"What sort of question is that?" I asked before dropping my smile "of course I don't want you here"

His face dropped and he looked down sad

"What do you expect me to want you here after what you did" I chuckle, grabbing the bottle again but it got taken out of my hands

"You drink a lot" Louis said with a sniffle and continued before I could say anything "You are also really skinny, the only time ive seen you eat you've thrown up." he said with tears in his eyes

I got up annoyed and started pacing, he also got up and stood in front of me.

"I am worried! You're mean now, you're different."

"Well no shit, You care now?!" I yelled at him with a laugh I walked up to him as he walked back and eventually walked into the wall, I soon came face to face with him. this is the closest ive been to him in years.

"People change" I told him with a glare

"not for no reason" he said

I glared at him with so much anger, I wanted to punch something. not him, never him but I needed to punch something.

"You're right Louis, I changed because of you." I said and he looked at me with confused eyes "You broke my heart, sorry if it didn't affect you because fuck you never even cared anyways but when I loved you I actually loved you, sorry if it changed me when you left like that."

"Loved? as in you dont love me anymore?" he asked with tears in his eyes

I leaned in closer to him as his eyes flicker all over my face.

"Get the fuck out of my house Louis."

he looked at me with hurt eyes as I moved out from in front of him 

"No" he said "I never broke your heart, you broke mine."

I turned around and laughed in his face "What?"

~~~~~~~~~

I hope you are all happy and healthy my loves.

don't forget to eat and drink enough water, remember you're always more than enough.

I hope you liked the book.

does anyone have a good show to watch? 

if anyone needs to talk or rant or you jus need a friend im here <3

don't forget to vote ! <3