You Are My Home. ( L.S. )

his shirt

I woke up the next morning in a ball on top the fridge with my feet hanging off.

odd ways to wake up..

"Where the fuck are my pants" I mumbled

I got off the fridge by stepping on the counter next to it and then getting off the counter 

I decided to go to the gym me and Louis put in the house today.

I changed into shorts and that's it.

I walked into the gym going straight to the tread mill.

I stayed on it for 15 minutes before going to the weightlifting section.

I will say I have a bit of muscle but nothing compared to what I would have if I actually ate.

my arms have muscle but my stomach is just not there like almost at all, it caves in and you can see my bones, my legs have a bit of muscle and I have a bit of a butt but nothing compared to what I would have if I was healthier. 

My eating disorder is not because I hate the way I look, it is because after me and Louis broke up I could not push myself to do anything, eating being one of the many. I guess it started off without me really knowing.

now it's something I can't get over.

I was done in the gym after an hour and a half.

I walked out with a towel over my shoulder going to the guest room to shower.

I took a shower and then changed into pink sweats and boxers, nothing els.

I walked down the hallway with my suitcases.

The hallway I've avoided this whole time.

the one that holds the room with the most memories.

I put my suitcases down on the floor in front of the room.

the room is pretty big it takes up almost the whole third floor, the only other rooms up here is the music room and recording studio.

I put my hand on the doorknob before slowly opening the door.

the first thing I saw was a shirt on the floor.

I walked over and picked it up to find Louis' favorite green shirt because they reminded him of my eyes.

I laughed with a sob as tears came out of my eyes and I hugged the shirt.

I looked at the still messy bed, everything in this room has been untouched.

I looked in the walk in closet to find all of mine and Louis' clothes.

I walked in to the bathroom to find his and mine cologne and perfumes, our hairbrushes and toothbrushes. I found his chapstick and mine. I saw all of our pictures on the wall and the picture of us that I knew would be on my nightstand along with a gross glass of three year old water.

I looked at my vanity in the room.

everything everywhere had a trace of Louis.

I fell to the floor with the shirt and picture from the nightstand.

I cried and cried to the point where I couldn't breath.

"FUCK!" I screamed as loud as I could "FUCK THIS! fuck everything and everyone.. I hate everything" I sobbed to myself 

I fell asleep like that and woke up to my phone ringing.

I let it ring out, not even caring.

it rang again though.