If I Had You

Chapter V

Tauriel POV

"Ouch!" I say, my eyes squeezing shut. I instinctively close my mouth before my squeal becomes too noticeable. Don't show pain. Since becoming a member of the guard, I'd been trained to not react to pain, to not let my emotions show. Apparently, feelings didn't fit well with military operations. However, it was hard to conceal all your emotions when you were being stitched up. Battle wounds didn't always heal easily.

The healer was an unfamiliar human youth. He held his long black hair back in a low ponytail, spectacles hanging off his nose. While his hands were steady (thankfully) he had a tendency to constantly break and remake eye contact. It was a bit distracting, but maybe that was the point. I would've gotten my companies own healer to attend to me, except he had been one of mutineers.   

The mutiny. It had been so unexpected, so unprovoked. One moment, all was good. We were all confused, dazed, unsure, perhaps, but we were all there together. Then, the next moment, my trust for effectively everyone had crumpled, vaporized by ugly betrayal. I couldn't fathom how anyone could think to betray their own kind, their brethren. How could you plunge the very knife you used to protect your fellow soldiers with into their back? The very thought of the act simultaneously boiled my blood and casts me into a deep state of sadness.

As the stranger continues to heal me, my eyes dart to Legolas. He was watching, still as stone, standing in the corner. He elegantly twirls an arrow between his fingers as he stands, watching. While his gaze is unwavering, his mind's clearly somewhere else, probably flashing back to the mutiny. I couldn't blame him. Mutiny was, well, shocking to say the least. I know Legolas has faced far worse. This bloody battle was probably a daydream compared to what lay behind him. But at least he'd known friends. He had people he could solidly depend on, fight with, trust. They wouldn't for a second even dream of abandoning each other, let alone fight each other. This level of mutiny was a new concept to him, and to me as well.

"I'm done here, captain." Says the healer, knocking me out of my thought. I nod my head silently. Legolas is immediately at my side. I grip the hand he extends. As he helps me stand up, pain temporarily flares throughout my injury, but I ignore it. I walk swiftly, my red hair bouncing up and down behind me, and I proceed to make my way out of the room. Legolas is at my side, naturally. He seems to be purposely slowing down his stride as not to make me feel incompetent No doubt the injuries had left me in a sluggish state of being.

A sudden thought enters my mind. If Helm's Deep were to face another attack, I'd be defenseless, unable to help. I'd have to rely solely on those around me. They'd be responsible for keeping us all safe. Oh, I hated feeling so useless! So incapable! After the events of today, I didn't think I had it in me to trust anyone.

"Something on your mind?" Says Legolas, breaking my train of thought.

"It's nothing, my prince," I start, the formalities naturally rolling off my tongue. I sigh, my shoulders drooping. These fake pleasantries were making me miserable. "Have you ever felt entirely useless? As if your entire existence was compromise due to some injury bestowed upon you in some battle?"

"That's hardly nothing, Tauriel." Begins Legolas.

"Captain." I correct.

"Captain," He says, mirroring my tone. "That's an oddly specific feeling. I can't say I've ever felt completely useless. Maybe a bit useless, but no where near completely." He smiles and I try to return the gesture. "And you shouldn't feel like that either. You did what you could, we all did."

"What if there's another attack? It's highly likely given the circumstance," I try to keep my expression logical. "Our enemies know we're short on men, there's no reason to not expect an attack soon. And when it happens, as I believe it will happen soon, I'll be unable to defend myself, let alone what remains of my company."