If I Had You

Chapter IV

Tauriel POV

Something was very wrong here. Why didn't the men in charge here know that we were coming? Why would Thranduil  send us to a fortress that didn't need any guarding? My feet start to ache as I continue to pace back and forth. I stood in a comfortable, yet small, chamber in the fort. Thankfully they'd given us all temporary rooms while we sorted out why we were here, and if we even needed to be. I peek out the window and look down at the troops who were still trying to calm their horses and gather their things. As I walk towards the window to further examine my troops I spot Legolas helping with the horses.

A half smile materializes as I suddenly remember calling him "Leggy". At the time, the slip of my lips seemed like the end of Middle Earth, but looking back it seems rather amusing. 'Leggy' had a sense of humor, thankfully, so I'm sure he wouldn't hold it against me if we ever started talking again. Then again, I didn't think it mattered much either way. I doubted my ability to ever work up the nerve to rekindle what I had with Legolas. Whenever I saw him I couldn't help but picture Kili. I still attached the guilt of Kili's passing onto him, even if was subconscious at times. But never the less, the guilt was there.

I rip my eyes away from the window and sit down on my bed. The silk making up the sheets is soft to the touch. My fingers subconsciously trace the colorful material as I think. It wasn't very rational to blame Legolas for Kili's passing. Not being somewhere wasn't a crime, after all. And If I was to follow that logic, I was just as much to blame as Legolas was. I sigh and throw myself back on the bed. I close my eyes and huff out and angry puff of air.

I shouldn't blame Legolas for Kil. It wasn't his fault. I had to come to terms to the fact  that I'd just been using him as a scapegoat. I sigh, flipping onto my side. Locks of my hair nimbly slides in front my face, but I'm too distracted to notice. It was going to be hard to forgive Legolas, but it had to be done. In addition to forgiving Legolas, I needed to start to let go of Kili.

My body shudders at the thought of forgetting him,

Not forgetting, says Kili's voice in my head. Moving on. It's what I'd want.

"I forgive you Legolas," I mutter quietly out loud. I knew this needed to be said audibly, if only to myself.  "And while I miss you, Kili, I'm moving on."

I sit up leisurely. I feel as if a weight that had been lying on my hearts my entire life had suddenly been lifted off. I sigh again cheerfully, feeling the tension that's been building up in me for so long finally dissipate.

I could finally move on. I didn't think there would be any more emotional breakdowns, at least no ones as severe and sudden as before. Moving on from Kil was a good thing. And making peace between Legolas and myself was the next step if I wanted to fully heal.

"Captain!"

I stand up, the loud screech startling me. Loud bangs emanate from the other side of the door. I had very literally just came to peace with myself and already something had gone wrong? It hadn't been twenty seconds since something had finally went right in my life!

The bangs grow continuously louder as I cautiously but swiftly make my way over to the door. I unlock the handle and fling the doorway open. In front of me stood a winded Morndir. Blood gushed from some unseen wound and onto his left leg. His face wasn't faring much better. Shocked, I try and control my emotions.

"Morndir, what's going on?" I try to keep my voice firm, but understanding. I extend a hand and help him in. As I do, I finally notice the raging roar of battle noises advancing from the outside.

Oh no. Perhaps the ellon that had led us in was wrong; clearly there was some foe to be fought.

My first thought is Legolas. Was he okay? What was I saying, this was Legolas, of course he would be fine. What I really should be worrying about was the inexperienced Glindir. The youth wouldn't last that long in these conditions, judging by how badly the experienced Morndir was hurt. I grab my sword and quickly rush into some pieces of armor. As captain I knew I needed to get out there and help with a counter-offense. As I rush about, Morndir bandages the wound with some spare silk from my bed.