Like You Mean It

Trials & Tribulations

It has now been four months since I was attacked by Dr. Morris. In the beginning everything seemed to move slowly, and I felt like I was in a daze. Now, things don't seem as bad. I have been going to see a therapist, and it has helped immensely.

Sometimes I go by myself to see her, other times I go with Chris needing him there as part of my healing process.

Chris and I have been living together now for three months. It took us a bit to get all my stuff moved out, and working on breaking my apartment contract, but once we got all that settled, we were fully living together. It has been amazing having him there to fall asleep with and wake up with.

I also decided that for my mental health I needed to quit my position at the hospital, taking the job at Chris' office. The girls were sad to see me leave, but they understood why I had to do it. We have twice monthly girl nights that include wine, music, terrible movies and whatever beauty routine we decide to do. The best are when we just put facemasks on and laugh at how we look.

They've been a huge part of my healing process as well. Ashley felt extremely bad, and partly responsible, but I made her see that she was actually my hero. It was not her responsibility to keep Dr. Morris on a leash, and she was the reason why he didn't get further. It took a lot of convincing and assuring her, but we're both in a better place now.

As far as Dr. Morris goes, his trial is coming up soon, and he seems to be intent on milking it for all he can. He continues to claim innocence, but with all the evidence against him, he doesn't even have a he said-she said situation. What he forgot was the cameras in the breakroom, for instances just as these, and the assault was all on tape.

Today I find myself on one of my off days. I have taken all my anxiety medication and yet I can feel the weight of the world on my shoulders. It could be the fact that I would have to appear in court next week, and face Dr. Morris again, or just the fact that I'm not always okay after the attack.

I'm writing down notes from my last patient when I feel someone grab my shoulder from behind. Panic sets in, and before I even know what I'm doing I turn around and punch the owner of the hand holding onto my shoulder. I hear a loud groan before I fully realize what happened.

I turn around to see Dr. Matthew Smith, Chris' office partner, covering his face with blood obviously running down his nose. My eyes get wide as a new type of panic sets in. I quickly rush to get things to help clean his bloody nose.

"I'm so sorry Dr. Smith! I didn't know who was grabbing me, and I panicked, and..." I feel myself start to hyperventilate as I can't catch my breath.

Matthew notices my current state and forgets all about his bloody nose. "Hey, hey Charlie, it's okay, I'm fine, I shouldn't have done that to you! Come on breathe, slow deep breaths."

I try to focus on his voice trying to calm me, but I'm having a full blown panic attack. Chris comes running over after one of the other nurses informed him about what was going on.

"Matt, don't worry, I've got this. Go get yourself cleaned up." Chris pulls me to his office and turns all the lights off. He has me sit on his couch and close my eyes. He softly starts counting up to five and back down to five slowly to guide my breath. I finally start to feel myself calm down, and that's when the tears start freely flowing.

Chris wraps me in his arms and just holds me, letting me get it all out. This is exactly what I need at this moment. Feeling at home enveloped by the arms that make me feel safest. I finally calm down and steady my breathing.

I notice Chris' lab coat wet from my tears, and stained with my mascara. "I'm sorry I messed up your lab coat."

He looks at me and chuckles. "I don't give a fuck about this lab coat, I just want to make sure you're doing alright."