SCRIPTURIENT REVIEWS | CLOSED

❄ STARS OF BUTTERFLY | VICTORIA ❄

Book Title: Stars of Butterfly

Author: ValerieEveDiestro

Reviewed by: CroodsGirl

Title: 5/5

What I love about the title is how symbolic it is. I've always seen butterflies as stars living amongst us, and I really got that feeling when I read it. It sums up the story very well. I was not confused by it one bit.

Cover: 3/5

The cover is gorgeous. I want to applaud the artist who drew it. I can see the intimacy and romance in our two main characters' eyes. The only thing is, the title and author's name are a little hard to read. I didn't notice them at first until I went back and looked at it. All you need to do is use a brighter font color, and that will solve the problem.

Blurb: 8/10

Theblurb is short, but sweet. It gets straight to the point and instantly gives usa good idea what the story is going to be about. It even has a poetic-likefeeling to it, which I enjoy immensely. However, I do think you could add alittle more background information about where the story takes place andperhaps even clues as to why Belle transforms into the butterfly. Blurbs instores usually run between 100 and 200 words, so I definitely think you can adda little more information.

Plot: 6/10

For the most part, the plot is solid. It gives me Romeo and Juliet vibes. I'd be lying if I said I didn't almost cry at the end.

The story can definitely benefit from being a little longer. I had lots of unanswered questions. I wanted to know a little more about Belle and Leo's backstories. I wanted to see some more scenes of Leo grieving his grandmother. I wonder if you can pull this off by providing a flashback or two about why she was so special to him. I also wasn't sure if Leo always knew he had leukemia, or if he just learned about it at the end of the narrative.

What you gave us feels more like a prologue rather than a full-fledged short story. Leo's had a really long journey, and now, he's starting a brand-new one with his disease and Belle. Why can't we see that journey? There's an old-school rule in writing called the "show, don't tell" rule, and I think you can benefit from it. You tell us the story, rather than show it. How exactly did Belle react when she first saw Leo? Did her wings freeze up, did her heart pump faster, etc.? Instead of telling us that she falls in love with him, let's see that. Let's see a few dates between the two and how they stick together during Leo's illness. We don't even know if he dies or not, but I'm not going to be too strict on this, because perhaps you want an open-ended resolution. I just need to see a little more conflict and a bit more of the story world itself. I never had a good idea of where exactly we were. When it comes to describing setting, try using the five senses. That's something one of my writing teachers taught me, and it really helps.

The last thing I want to see a little more of is the origin behind Belle's gift. She doesn't know why she transforms into a butterfly, but perhaps she can embark on her own journey with Leo to discover why? That would make for great character development for the both of them. Is Belle's gift the result of a curse, or was she born that way?

Grammar/Vocabulary: 17/20

I did not see too many grammar mistakes, so kudos to you, author! There was really only one moment that I think you can fix. It's in Chapter 2, The Guy I Remember, when Leo says to Belle: "Leo, how about you, what's yours?" You have three, different sentences here. It's a fragment, but it's an easy fix. Just put a period next to "Leo", capitalize "how", put a question mark at the end of "you", and then finish by capitalizing "What's". Therefore, it will look like this: "Leo. How about you? What's yours?" See? Easy, peasy. Other than that minor detail, the grammar is very good.

Writing Craft: 15/20

There is a difference between writing craft and writing style. Writing style is "how" we write, and is not something that should be judged. On the other hand, writer's craft is the element of writing, such as figurative language. I daresay, this whole criteria I'm following defines writing craft. It helps us determine if our story is readable and understandable. Yours is, but to make this masterpiece even more impressive, try adding a little more description and figurative language. There are wonderful elements of craft spread through the story. One of my favorites is in the first chapter where you say: "My delicate wings shivered, unable to shake away the coldness." This is a perfect example of personifying an inanimate object. I love how you don't tell us that the butterfly is cold, but rather her wings. It's amazing, and I would love to see more sentences like this spread about in the story. Personifying inanimate objects brings the story to life, and it makes me very excited to keep reading forward.

There was an instance of figurative language I thoroughly enjoyed, too—in Chapter 2: "I could smell the bitterness of the brewed coffee flowing around us." This sentence is making use of one of the five senses, which is something I mentioned earlier about helping you elaborate on setting and painting more of a picture in your reader's head. You've proven to me that you can definitely do it, so try to add a few more sentences and descriptions like this in the other chapters, too. All in all, your writer's craft is very nice, but there's no harm in pursuing it even further, right? Well done!

Characters: 10/20

I gave you a 10/20 for this for one very specific reason—I saw almost no character development with Belle vs. Leo. I resonated way more with him than her.

With Leo, I felt his suffering and grief, but for Belle, I almost saw her as just another stalker at a party who follows a guy she likes around. Now, she's not like that at all, but I just think you need to give her a few more flaws, like what you have for Leo. I think you can accomplish this by diving more into her backstory. If you don't want to do that, then elaborate on what she does after Leo goes into the hospital for his Leukemia. Perhaps, one of her family members had the cancer, so she knows what Leo can expect and wants to be with him the whole way through? It's just a suggestion, but you need to elaborate on something: Belle's backstory or what happens after the hospital.

It's not up to me to make that choice, but to the author. This is not to say that you definitely don't have some powerful characters. Leo is just a little more developed than Belle. This was the main issue I had with this story, but like anything, it's an easy fix, and I can't wait to see the kind of person Belle becomes!

Overall Enjoyment: 7/10

Now, do not take this review the wrong way. I really loved the story. It's heartwarming and heartbreaking, which make for some of the best stories in this vast world of ours. It has a very powerful message in it, soft magic, and wonderful characters. We just need a little improvement with writer's craft—mostly with setting, description, and the "show", don't "tell" rule. We also need either some more backstory or just more story. More story will help you develop Belle more.

Stars of Butterfly feels like the start of a fantastic novella/novel, and I cannot wait to see how far you'll take it! Thank you for letting me review it. I hope that I was able to help you at least a little. This was my first review for the review shop, so I apologize if it's not the best thing in the world.

Total: 71/100