SCRIPTURIENT REVIEWS | CLOSED

❄ WHEN YOU SMILE | SILVER ❄

Author: Iris-hope

Book title: When you smile

Reviewer: PeterPan2210

Genre: Teen Fiction / YA / LGBTQ+

Note: May be subjective to the reader. These scores are simply a reflection of the particular reviewer's evaluation and interest.

Cover: 10/10

This score is for the updated Cover (the blue one). It looks part romantic, part mysterious. I quite like it.

Short Description: 10/10

Although by no means 'short', it's good.

Writing Style/ Flow: 10/10

Overall, your writing style is interesting and captures the reader well enough. It doesn't seem at all monotonous.

Character arc(s): 19.8/20

All the characters have a very distinct personality which is something I liked. Each of the characters have a very specific voice. It seems as if the author had prior set character images for each of the characters and that's lovely. It builds reader-character intimacy. That's great.

Arya's character in particular annoyed me a fair bit at the start. Not to mention, her character seems to be written a lot more casually than the others in the book. Subjective to reader of course, but I didn't quite like the casualness with which her character seems to be written.

I know she's built to be extra, but it feels like it's going overboard.

Of course, later in the story, all of that does seem to be corrected. Maybe that's your way of doing a character development arc, which is fine.

Plot and originality: 18 /20

The plot is basically about his past trauma and him overcoming it. Maybe it's from real-life incidences, in which case, I'm terribly sorry someone had to go through all of that. I personally know someone with similar trauma.

But, solely from a Wattpad story market point of view, the trauma curve for writing a "rediscovering yourself" story is overdone. So, just for that, there are points off. Because not only did you use an overdone plot, you also didn't quite manage to make it as distinguishable from the other stories.

Grammar: 10/10

Oh this was brilliant. I loved it.

Vocabulary: 10/10

Perfectly used. Contextually accurate, and not overdone, not too flowery but not too simple. You're not trying to show off that you have a good vocabulary, you're going for, "Oh I could do this half asleep." Very nice.

Story Pacing: 4/5

Plotline seems stretched a bit. Like you made filler chapters on purpose. Also, the monologues, although interesting, also seemed unnecessary sometimes. Otherwise, it was brilliant. I particularly loved the poetry pieces.

Reader enjoyment: 3.5/5

I have suspiciously short attention span. Unless particularly gripping, no story scores a 5. And I've already said yours seemed a bit stretched. But other than that, it was great.

Total score: 95.3 /100