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45. Guilt

He saw them kissing.

He saw how Jeno carefully pulled Jaemin into him.

It was love.

They were in love. Renjun knew it.

But it was painful to watch.

He didn't know why he was crying, darting his eyes away from the opened window.

It was raining.

Not much. But the small rain drops hit his face from time to time. He once heard thundering too but he guessed he might have imagined that inside his head.

The sad truth was hurting him.

Jaemin had Jeno.

Jeno had Jaemin.

He had no one.

He was more than hurt.

But this time it was different.

This time he wasn't angry. He didn't want to kill Jeno then and there.

This time he was simply hurt.

He walked down the street.

He didn't remember how he got to Jaemin's place. He just wanted to walk.

Just walk.

Tears didn't stop. He didn't want it to stop.

By and by he was getting completely soaked under the rainy sky.

But he didn't care.

He simply let his mind wonder around.

"Renjun honey," his mother called in her high pitched sweet voice. "We got you a new friend!"

"I don't need new friends. I have Chenle and Yangyang. That's enough." Renjun didn't even look up from his book.

"Come on baby, he's so nice. You'll love him."

"Mom, I don't want another friend."

"At least go visit him in the hospital. I said I'll bring you so you're definitely going." his mother was one stubborn woman.

"I said I don't-- wait, hospital?"

So he went.

He had no interest in seeing this new 'sweetest boy'.

But everything changed after that small meeting.

"Jaemin, this is Renjun, my son." his mother introduced them. "Jun, this is Na Jaemin."

To say Renjun was awestruck was an understatement.

That's the first time he saw Jaemin, that time he had black hair, completely covering his forehead. His eyes big and scared, his hands fidgeting together.

Pretty.

Too pretty.

"Hello?" Jaemin said in a rough voice. "Hi."

"Uh.... hi...."

And they became friends.

Renjun laughed through tears.

If he didn't go there none of that would've happened.

"Really?"