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53. Pretend

When he got back to Jeno's house, the door was closed.

Maybe I'm overreacting. Maybe both of them are just asleep.

Calming himself with few deep breaths, Jaemin moved forward. It was a simple task. He just had to knock on the door. That's all.

But he was getting nervous as the time passed.

So many what ifs were playing inside his head.

After what felt like eternity, he was finally at the door. Everything looked normal.

Nothing to be worried. I'm just being dramatic again.

He clenched his fist into a ball and knocked twice.

"Jeno?"

☆

"Daddy?"

Jeno turned back, spotting his daughter right behind him. She gave him a tiny smile, looking adorable in a red and white dress and a red bandana with a bow on it. That silver strawberry pendant gleamed around her neck. A reminder that Jaemin couldn't actually leave them.

"Did papa go back?" she asked, coming forward and holding Jeno's pinky figer with her small hand. "What about the date?"

Jeno thought for a moment.

He couldn't possibly lie again.

He could not do that to Jaerin again. That would be too cruel.

Then again, what about him? Where was his someone to worry about him like that? Where was his someone to console him? Until how long should he suffer alone and not break down?

He could care for Jaerin until the very end. But was there anyone to do the same for him?

Maybe he wasn't a qualified father yet.

How could he envy a child like that?

"You dissapoint me, Jeno. You did not meet my expectations in raising Jaerin."

Maybe that dream was not just a trick of sleep. Maybe it was a sign that he would screw up beyond words one day.

"You're life is so pathetic, I almost feel sorry."

That's what he was. Pathetic. Stupid. Always up to no good no matter how hard he tried. And when he finally thought that he had everything he needed, it stumbled down again.

He lost Jaemin for the second time.

"Oh, is that papa's one?" Jaerin asked, not minding Jeno's silence as an answer for her previous question. She let go of his hand and crouched down. "Its broken."

Whatever the strings that held Jeno together until then, broke in half thanks to what he saw next.

Jaerin started picking up those colorful beads one by one, saying that she would make it again and gift back to her papa the next time.

Jeno wasn't sure when did the tears start to roll down.

He didn't even bother to hide it.

Kneeling down, he made the girl face her. Her smile vanished as soon as their eyes met. She looked confused.

"Daddy, why are you crying?" She asked, her small palms trying to wipe away the tears. "Are you hurt? Are you sick?"

Jeno shut his eyes and bit back a choked out scream. Then he slowly took one of Jaerin's hands and placed a kiss there. He didn't dare to look at her again.