Perseverance (Wangxian)

Chapter 4 - Why?

Credit to owner of the little comic above. Name is at the bottom of the image.
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The three of them, Lan Wangji, Lan Xichen, and Wei Wuxian, were inside the forbidden library. Xichen walked over to where the music books were and searched the shelves for something specific, which is, Collection of Turmoil. It is a book full of dark like music that can be used against cultivators. Messing with spiritual energy and even can cause Qi deviations.

Wangji took the book and played a bit and found a spot specifically that was similar to part of the music Jin Guangyao played. So now, Lan Xichen wanted to test out the music on himself to see if there was any way it was connected to Chifeng-Zun's death.

"Xiongzhang, are you sure? It is dangerous," Lan Zhan asked.

"I am sure, I have to know," Xichen said.

Wangji wanted to say more but Wei Ying stopped him and basically gave him a look that said, 'let him do what he wants, he needs this.'

Wangji nodded and decided to say something else, "I should go check on Shufu, I'll meet you back at Jingshi," he said to Wei Ying.

Xichen decided to walk Wei Ying back to Jingshi. It would also give him a chance to talk.

"Zewu Jun?" Wei Ying said as they entered the gates of Jingshi, "can I consult with you about something?"

"What is it, Wei Gongzi?" He asked.

"The whip marks on Lan Zhan's back?" Wei Ying asked in hesitation.

"You don't know?" Xichen asked surprised.

Wei Ying shook his head, "I asked Lan Zhan, but he would not tell me, so I had to ask you instead."

"Wangji won't talk about things if he feels it's not worth mentioning, so I will tell you."

Wei Ying nodded and listened.

"Do you remember when Jin Gongzi was killed at Qionqi Path?" Xichen asked.

Wei Ying nodded, 'of course I remember, it is a day I can never forget about. I caused the man's death, how could I forget,' he thought to himself.

"Back then, after your demise, Wangji insisted on defending you, causing a mess in the burial mounds. He fought against his own clan, harmed thirty-three elders. I tried to convince Shufu to not do such a harsh punishment at such a time, but he insisted. Thirty-three discipline whips for each elder that was hurt," Xichen explained. He could see in Wei Ying's eyes, pain, guilt, and fault, "you do not have to blame yourself. It was his choice to stand with you and against everyone. He considered you his soulmate then, I am sure he still considers you his soulmate, maybe more."

"Why would he bother?" Wei Ying asked, "he can have anyone, why be with me? I made such a huge mess, why defend me?"

Xichen sighed, "honestly, I wish I could go back and praise him, and even stand with him. I regret not doing so...especially now that I know things that I didn't back then," he told him, "it was unintentional but I heard your conversation with Wangji, about your core."

Wei Ying looked straight into Xichen's eyes, "what?" He asked.

"I heard it all," Xichen informed him, "I understand why you didn't say anything back then, but i still wish you did. If we knew, we wouldn't have pushed at you so much. The things that happened, you didn't deserve any of it...I'm so sorry, Wei Wuxian. I am sorry for what you experienced, the people you lost, the life of a cultivator you gave up for your sworn brother, the things you did....others would not make that same thing. You stood with innocent people and even I, was conned into believing they were bad people. Then...."

Wangji was starting to come back and caused Xichen to stop speaking. They both looked at Wangji as he revealed a couple jars of Emperor's smile for Wei Ying. Xichen smiled at his brothers gesture and nodded to him. He said his farewell until morning, and left them.

Lan Zhan entered Jingshi first, sitting at the table, preparing himself tea and pouring a cup of wine for Wei Ying. Wei Ying slowly walked inside and shut the door behind him looking at Lan Zhan. The pain in Wei Ying's heart was building. Lan Zhan risked his life, his reputation, is rules and sect, for him. Wei Ying sat across from him at the table and remained quiet for a bit. He did thank Lan Zhan for the drinks though, but he was still silent.

He was thinking about everything, 'Does Lan Zhan really see me as his soulmate? Why me? I am nothing. I can give him nothing. Why accept me? I really am such an awful person, I don't deserve him at all.'

"Wei Ying, are you alright?" Wangji asked noticing that Wei Ying was almost crying.

He looked into his beautiful golden eye and said nothing. He just looked down at the cup in his hand. He didn't know what to say right now.

"Wei Ying, while we were in the library, I picked up some books on improving golden core strength and other methods to build up the one you have," Lan Zhan said placing them in the table in front of him.

"What's the point?" Wei Ying asked taking a sip of Emperor's smile that Lan Zhan snuck into Cloud Recesses for him.

"What do you mean, what is the point? Don't you want to cultivate again? Start over?" Lan Zhan asked him, "if it is because of everything that has happened, it shouldn't be the reason."

"What if it is? After all these years people have looked at me saying I am a monster. I am the Yiling Patriarch, the man that can move mountains and cause chaos. I have done so much and it all went wrong. Even now, if we find evidence that I didn't cause all of this mess, who would believe me? You maybe...but to the world, nothing can erase the mistakes I have made. People died because of me. I do not deserve to cultivate again. When this is all over, with the Yin Hu Fu, Jin Guangyao... all of it...I don't think I want to cultivate anymore. What is the point if I am just going to get thrown around and screwed over and over?"

Lan Zhan could see him in so much pain and despair. The guilt that the man in front of him carries is so strong that it's almost impossible to convince him that he is not at fault. Everyone blames Wei Ying for everything and because of that, he is almost broken beyond repair.

"You are just giving up? Just like that?" Wangji asked, "you were given a second chance, you should take that."

"Why?" Wei Ying yelled, Wangji jumped at his quick and loud response. Tears were now falling down Wei Ying's face, he then spoke with a calmer and quieter voice, "why did he bring me back? I was fine lost in purgatory. My sins are too much to deal with and this guilt, it never leaves. No one seems to understand. I pretend that I am okay, but I am not. I question why he brought me back. Why me? Why not another viscous spirit? I never harmed anyone while I was a spirit, I didn't want to see anyone and just sat in a dark spot where I could be alone. I deserve none of this. I feel like I don't even deserve to be sitting here with you right now. I am nothing, I can give you nothing."

Lan Zhan got up from his spot and sat beside him, pulling him into his lap and holding him in his arms, "shh, stop talking that way," Lan Zhan said softly, "you deserve more than you realize. Even if you don't want to know the truth or move forward, if not for you, then do it for me. I care about you, more than you probably know. You are my everything. I want to help you cultivate again. I want to see you smile again. Wen Ning told me what happened that day, he said he heard a second flute, he heard it alter Chenqing."

Wei Ying sobbed into the man's chest. He was almost screaming he was crying so hard. Lan Zhan sat there just comforting him, holding him tight, running his fingers through his hair and his other hand rubbing his back. He hummed their song. He hummed it until Wei Ying became silent. He felt more limp in his arms. Looking down at him, he fell asleep there...crying in his arms, he fell asleep. He carefully got off the floor and sat down on the bed still holding onto him tightly. Holding him in such a tight embrace, it will let Wei Ying know that he was still there with him. He pressed his lips the the top of Wei Ying's head and laid back to be more comfortable.