Rats, Roses And Paper Bones

Chapter 6: Trouble in paradise

    Excruciatingly long prep, long awkward silence and discomfort were the things I faced and had to endure before I left for the hostel.

  The session was so uncomfortable because I was trying so much to hide my face from someone who was sitting across me and who could obviously tell that I was trying to hide my face.

    At a point, I thought i could see him smirking from the corner of my eyes.
There was no doubt now that he most likely recognised me but didn't want to address it just yet. He looked like the kind to just let me suffer in my guilt for some time before saying something.

     I was grateful in a way for this response because if he did say something, he would probably start by asking me why I behaved snobbish when he was just trying to help and then I would start looking for tangible explanations for my reaction which would obviously prove nothing, then I might end up insulting him, then he would insult me too, then we would cause a scene and things would become extremely awkward, then....

"Hey, Doyin, right?" Said a voice from behind me, releasing me from my usual episodes of overthinking.

I was walking to the hostel alone. My sister had ditched me to run to the hostel quickly because she really had to use the toilet.
I looked back. It was the girl from the dining hall.

"Hey, Miss Porridge," I waved.
I referred to her as 'miss porridge' in my head but didn't realise that it was because I had forgotten her name.

She gave me a funny look.
Uh oh.
She must be upset that I didn't remember her name.
Either that, or she was upset that I didn't come to her table.

I looked down in shame.
"I'm sorry," I said.

I felt bad because I didn't even try to memorise her name.

Since my life took a spiral turn some months ago, my heart has been programmed to withdraw.

I guess I found it difficult to open my heart once again for fear that I might regret it again.

But I couldn't stay this way forever. I couldn't keep to myself for long. It was only a matter of time before my loneliness ate me up.

Also, I had to give God control of the healing process. Keeping to myself was not going to help matters.

To my relief, she burst out laughing. Of course, I had been overthinking again. This was no big deal.

"Haha! No worries, dee, I'm a foodie, I get that a lot. " She said, cackling.

She didn't even know the reason why her named her that. But she remembered my name and even already gave me a nickname. 'Dee' . I felt worse now.

"Oh, okay," I said, laughing nervously.

"You must have felt so embarrassed when Mr Ayodeji was leading you to your seat. I saw the look on your face. " She continued laughing.

"Don't worry, that's just what he does. He can be very annoying too, but you'll be just fine." She said

"I guess so." I smiled, and we both laughed as we made our way to the hostel.

BTW: I still don't remember her name.

* * * * * * * * *

Badump, badump, badump......
If you didn't know, that's the sound of my heart beating extremely fast because I was about to write the test that would determine the department I was going to enter.

I actually admit that I've always had phobia for exams. But this time, it was worse because I didn't know what I would do if I didn't enter the science department. It had always been my dream, from elementary school to junior secondary school.
If things went badly, I might break down mentally.