Why me out of all the girls

제5장

Previously: Now I think they just act like they always did with each other but it was a bit hard to adapt myself.

While we were in the car I was listening to my brother and his friend, I didn't want to speak that much. I was only thinking about how cute san and hongjoong were when they said they were gonna stay with me while I wait, like we don't know each other that much... I'll try to get closer to them tomorrow. During my quick thinking moment I heard my brother and his friends talking about what to do during their vacations and I remembered that a new theme park had open not so far

Y/n: there's a new park that opened while you were away apparently it's quite popular you could go there

Jisung: oohhh yeahhh let's go there it would be fun.

Changbin: why not we just have to see if it's good with the others

Felix: we can ask them when we get back. By the way do you think they ordered the food without us?

Jisung: I hope not because I want my chicken!!!!

And them telling what food they wanted went on and on until we finally arrived home. As I arrived in front of the door I could hear hyunjin and I.n screaming and laughing. And it didn't miss when I opened the door I saw pillows flying across the living room. Chan was exhausted on the couch while seungmin and minho were trying to keep their composure. When they saw me they all froze in place and gave me an awkward smile and it just made me burst in laughter, they were all supposed to be like my big brothers but they were acting more as children than anything else. After I calmed down I went and said hi to everyone. We talked a bit about their group and music and also a bit about my school but then it was time to decide what we were going to eat, the choice ended up being my responsibility.

We're now waiting for the chicken, kimbap and teokboki to arrive. Jisung was super happy because he wanted chicken so bad but hyunjin was being his drama queen saying that it would've been better to eat pizza. Hyunjin finally agreed with chicken and after five more minute we heard the doorbell meaning food was most likely here. Chan was the one to go get the food while we were preparing the table. We ate while laughing and talking about random things. After that we played all together a little and I decided to go in my room work a bit. Just then I received a message from an unknown number

(Author note: the address that will be written in the text is not a real one but a fake random combination of numbers and streets names)

  

After his messages I was smiling because he is the first one to actually care about me for real in school and with his friend they are the first one to be nice to me. Just as I was about to start working again I heard a knock on my door so I told the person to enter and it turned out to be jeongin.

Jeongin : hey can we talk a bit

Y/n : yeah yeah just close the door

After he closed the doors he went and sits on my bed.

Y/n : so what is it that you wanted to talk about ??

Jeongin : ehm well I noticed you left your diary on the couch and I wanted to give it back to you but while climbing the stairs I accidentally dropped it and it opened .... I didn't want to read it I promise but I happened to see a few line ......

Y/n : hey don't worry I know you wouldn't read on purpose, your too sweet to do that but thanks for being honest

He gave me my diary and left just looking guilty even though it was an accident. After some time I decided to write some thoughts in it that has been bothering me for some time.

(author note: what is written between { } will be letters or things written in your diary.)

{               you                                                        

Do you know yourself or are you trying to understand yourself... it's neither of those right... you are not trying and you don't want to understand yourself for a good reason... if you were trying and if you did understand why would you be this messed up? Can it be because of anxiety or maybe is it depression or maybe is it just you...? No it's not only you you're just part of it but you hate yourself the most. You blame it on other and then try to act like you don't care when in reality it is all that you care. You could care less but how, how could you when the only thing you know how to do properly is hate yourself. Tell me is it easy to say I hate myself more than saying I hate what I'm doing to myself. Is it that hard to have consideration for yourself? Oh but right you don't know yourself so it's easier to hate someone you don't know and don't want to know.     }

After writing all of this I put my diary in its hidden spot and went to get a glass of water. While drinking I could hear the boys arguing about who cheated at uno and it was quite funny to learn that felix had to pick up 12 card. The doorbell rang and it's then that I remembered san and his group was coming and oh boy I wasn't ready for my house to be twice as loud

But dear readers you'll hear from it next chapter

I hope you enjoyed<3