The girl

i dont know

Well I know barley any of what I said made any sense but it felt nice to get it off my chest. I know what I said about writing once a week but I just felt like it tonight.

I'm currently trying to create a new Playlist. Something like a fresh start. I'm going through all my songs and man the memories are coming back. Not all of them are bad either. I have some really good memories but I think the bad might out weigh them at the moment. It's not like I mind though.

I'm trying to find a song that goes with my soul? Or maybe I should say a song that calms my soul and makes me feel complete. I haven't exactly found it but I know I will. And I guess I'm not really just doing this because right now I feel the anxiety building up. It gives me this feeling in my chest and sometimes I want to cry because I know what it means. Sometimes the music will help but I'd have to gwt lost in it just to calm down.

When I get anxious I try to calm myself down but it never works unless I'm with someone I trust 100 percent. Or if I just let it play out but most of the time that's what I have to do because I don't have the people I'd rather spend my time with, with me at all times. It's hard but I seem to manage just fine.

I tell people about it. Like my teachers i know that 2 of my teachers know about my anxiety. My dad knows. My mom knows. I think my brothers know. Some of my friends know.

I have lots of problems most of which I probably created myself but I have them. There isn't really much I can do about that. I adjust myself to my environment because I think I have to people please. I dont know how to say a simple word.

No.

I can't day it. I feel like it hurts people's feelings. I try and say it a different way. Like a little more kinder but I end up just not saying anything and having someone else do it for me. I hate it. My dad told me it was okay to say no and that he used to be just like me. It made me feel a little better then but now I doesn't really help.

^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^

I'm kinda tried and have no energy to talk about anything anymore so I guess this was just a short little rant. I'm sure I'll have a lot more to say soon. I always do.

Much love Xx