L'Amour Fou (bxb)

Chapter 15

"No! Let me in! No!!" I screamed loudly noticing that I was panting profusely covered with sweat. Suddenly, the weight I felt from banging on the door disappeared. As I reluctantly opened my eyes, I saw that the entire room was choked with darkness. I couldn't make out any outlines of the objects in the room but I felt something soft and heavy wrap around my body. I moved my arms around to realize that it was my blanket.

How did I end up here; I could've sworn I was literally just at the police station. Was this all just a dream, no, a nightmare after all? No. How could it be? Everything felt so real. As if all these events actually happened. The feelings, the emotions, they felt like it was reality. No. Is this some sort of sign from the universe warning me about my future? Was this seriously my fate? I've always known that my love was cursed, but I would've thought that maybe I'd have a chance in the future. Are we gonna be separated from each other? Is he, is he going to die soon? Thoughts started to overcrowd my disturbed mind as my breathing became heavier and faster. I felt the adrenaline rush through my veins as my heavy breathing turned to hyperventilation. Water. I need water. Water always helped me to calm down whenever I had an anxiety attack. I reached for my glass of water from the bedside table to notice that it was empty. I didn't have the energy to get up and go to the kitchen. Tears suddenly began to run down my cheeks as the words 'I'm sorry' echoed in my head.

Light infiltrated the room, causing my eyes to squint instantly at the brightness. I saw a dark figure rush into my room rushing over to my side of the bed. I knew I was vulnerable in this situation, but I didn't even attempt to protect myself. What was the point anyway? What I wanted to happen never came true; even though it was simply a dream, it felt like reality to me.

"Shh, everything is ok," a voice whispered from above. Finally opening my eyes, I looked up to see that he was sitting by my side on the bed. His arms were around me, but they weren't touching my body. He probably thought I'd find it uncomfortable if he touched me. I collapsed into his arms with my face dug deep inside his firm chest. The touch of his soft cotton shirt comforted my desperate tears. I didn't care if I was being too touchy with him; I needed someone to console me.

"Hey, shh shh shh, it was a nightmare, don't cry. Whatever happened in the dream didn't happen, ok?" He whispered whilst stroking his hand down my hair and rubbing my back.
"B-but, everything felt like it was real."
"Look at me, look around, you're here. Safe and sound."
"But-"
"I don't want to hear another word. I'm here for you. Always. I will never, I repeat, never, let anyone do something to you or let anything happen to you."

I stayed laying inside his chest - even though he was muscular, he was still soft and nice to snuggle with. I wrapped my hands around his body slightly above his waist without any hesitations and grabbed onto him tightly. He adjusted himself to make it more comfortable for the both of us. He wrapped his arms around my body whilst rubbing my back gently. I could feel his warm breath on my frozen forehead as he whispered 'shh' to me repeatedly, which really helped me to calm down. I didn't want this moment to ever end - hugging him as if there's no tomorrow as he consoled me.

After some time, I managed to relax as my breathing restored to normal. He noticed that I stopped crying and looked down at me.
"Do you feel better now?"
"Yeah a bit."
"What did you dream about? Of course, only if you wanna talk about it."
What was I meant to say to that? That I dreamt that he died cus I was deeply in love with him, no, obsessed with him? That I saw the police as something bad? That I dreaded being separated from him?
"It was uh, personal."
"Listen. You can say anything to me." He grabbed my hands and began to rub them. "You can trust me with your past, I know how it feels like if it may have been rough for you."

Should I tell him about my past? About the horrors I had to experience? I've never told anyone about my past except my friends. It's not like I didn't want to tell anyone else, I did, but I didn't have any trust in anyone else. But strangely, I felt like I could trust him. Even though I knew he was my kidnapper and I've only recently known him, it wouldn't really bother me if he found out about my past. The reassurance he gave me when I had a mental breakdown was enough to prove that he will respect me and my past no matter what.