L'Amour Fou (bxb)

Chapter 16

My heart began to pound raucously, but not out of fear, no, out of excitement. All this time I've been yearning to know more about him; his name, his job, the reason behind each of his secretive actions, everything. And finally, I'd get to know more about him.

"Listen, I don't mind if you mention to your friends what I'm about to tell you. I just know you will. But whatever you do don't tell the police anything."
"You do realize if I wanted to, I could have already put you behind bars for kidnapping me? But I chose not to. Any other crimes you're gonna mention won't change anything."
"OK. Firstly, I lied to you about my name. It's not real, it was just a pseudonym."
I knew it. It was obvious right from the start. 'Amica Mea' never sounded like a legitimate name in the first place.
"My real name is actually Alvize Inverno."
"Wait, Inverno? Doesn't that mean 'Hell' in Italian?"
"No, that's inferno. Inverno means-," he looked at me with a raised eyebrow. "Wait, how do you know that?"
"A book that I read ages ago was called 'Inferno' and it sounded similar to that."
"But yeah, InVERno means 'winter'. And yeah, I'm Italian."
"Then how do you not have an Italian accent? Like, it sounds perfectly American. Were you born here?"
"No, I moved here to New York when I was 19 and over time as I got better English, my accent also got less noticeable."
He gave a long pause which I assumed was because he was mentally preparing himself to tell everything to me.

"The story about my grandma was nothing compared to the horrors I faced. To begin with, I was born and raised in Milano. Sorry, Milan. My mom worked in a designer clothes shop. Not shop, like the headquarters. But my dad; his job was the polar opposite. He was the boss of a dangerous mafia organization that had been a family business for generations. My dad met my mom on a blind date, and they began dating for several months. Eventually, she found out about his true occupation and was willing to break up with him. Then that was when he started showing his true colors to her. He forced her to marry him saying that the job won't change anything. A year after they got married, I was born. When my dad found out that I was a boy, he was determined to make me the owner of the company once he died to continue the business. I spent most of my childhood with my grandma as I said before since my dad was mostly abroad for work and my mom finished work late. But after her death, I spent most of my time with my dad at his office. Once I turned 12, I dropped out of school and he began training me to work in the mafia. He taught me things an ordinary father would never teach his children. It began with lying about your identity to people, to being able to disguise and hide yourself, to then handling a gun and learning how to fight. It was essentially police or army training but to a child. And not for a good reason. I mean honestly speaking, some of the things he told me were actually beneficial, like self-defence and becoming highly skilled and intelligent. But when I turned 16, he thought that I was ready to begin my first mission. I never really knew what the organization exactly was working for and the purpose it served, but then I realized it was better not knowing anything. He was responsible for human trafficking, prostitution, drugs, money laundering. In other words, he extorted money to become a millionaire, even if it meant he'd have to go against the law. Upon learning this, I was so horrified that I tried to escape the building and abort the mission but a security guard brought me to my father. He tried to brainwash me into thinking that everything he does is good and forced me to continue the mission. He then brought me to a dark room with a man tide up to a chair. His muffled scream still haunts me to this day, but not as much as what my dad said after. 'Finish him.' He presented me a gun and I asked him why I have to kill this man, but he gave me no response and walked out of the room. I wanted to untie the man and set him free, but then I realized there was a camera with a red light on in the corner of the room, which meant all of my actions were being watched. Looking at the man's eyes only made my job more difficult. They were filled with tears and fear, but most importantly, they seemed pure and innocent. He probably had a family, children, a wife, parents, people that cared for him and I was about to end all his relationships with them. I brought the gun to the back of his head so I wouldn't have to see his helpless face anymore. My hands were shaking as I placed my finger over the trigger. I slowly pulled it back, scared the next movement would release the bullet. And finally, a sudden loud bang filled the room. I just killed a man, but I also killed the innocence that I once had in me. My hands were covered with blood and no matter how much I tried to clean them with soap and water, they still felt so filthy. When my father gave me permission to leave, the first thing I did was go to my church. My mother was a Catholic Christian and ever since I was really young, she would always take me to church with her every Sunday. She taught me to light a candle and say anything I want to God, good or bad, and place it on the stand next to the idol of Jesus Christ. When I arrived at the church, I lit the candle and started to tell God what happened but at that point, I started having a breakdown having felt so guilty that day. The pastor heard me crying and asked me what was wrong. I cried even more and fell into his arms as I confessed all my sins to him. He told me that I wasn't at fault for the murder, and that I was truly a good person who doesn't have any bad intentions. He gave me a necklace with a golden cross at the bottom to remind me that God is always with me no matter what."