Loveless

Chapter One

//TW: Slight talk of an eating disorder towards the end. That paragraph will be marked before and after, so if you may find it triggering, feel free to skip it! Stay safe <3

"I'm in love with her" I say as I barge into my best friend's room unannounced.

"With who?" Oliver asks, sounding only slightly interested. He never cares about my flings; not that I blame him. But this one's different, I can feel it.

"The girl from the shops. I saw her again today."

"The one who works at the book store? I thought she already told you she doesn't like boys." Oliver's now looking at me with sadness in his eyes. I don't understand why he always does this. It's like he pities me.

"No not Margaux. We're just friends. I'm talking about Sage." I can feel a smile on my lips, but he hasn't returned it. He still looks dreadful.

"Who's Sage? You've never told me about her."

"She works at the coffee shop I go to." I say now looking around Oliver's room for something to occupy my hands with.

"You don't like coffee." He states bluntly.

"Taste buds change." I say with no emotion on my face. I wish he'd at least entertain the hopeless romantic in me. "Anyways I'm in love with her."

"You're in love with pretty much every girl on this block. And every boy at that."

I look at him dramatically and hold my heart. "Rude. How dare you? This one is different, anyways. She's so nice; I think she might like me too."

"Have you tried asking her?" This is by far the dumbest question I've ever heard.

"Of course not. What if she doesn't like me back? Then we won't even be able to be friends." I say looking down, fiddling with my hands.

"We're still friends." This takes me by surprise. Nearly a year ago I told Oliver I like him, but he's straight. We haven't talked about it since; I thought he forgot about it to be entirely honest.

"Yeah but... That's because we're us." I don't dare to look at him. Sometimes I still daydream about what could've been. I'd never tell anyone that, not even my sister.

"And? If she's so special, she'll understand. Maybe just try asking her to hang out first."

"Okay fine, you're right." I roll my eyes knowing I won't be asking her anything. There are too many ways it can go wrong.

"Why are you so worried about being in a relationship anyway?" Oliver places his book in front of him, giving me all of his attention. He asks me this nearly every day. I can never think of a proper answer.

"I don't know. I just think life is easier when there's someone by your side." I want to cry. I don't know why. I hate this.

"I'm by your side." Oliver is smiling. I love his smile, it's so bright. He's so bright. Fucking Oliver. They were right when they said not to fall for your straight best friend.

"I know, but that isn't exactly what I was referring to." I smile the best I can. "It's just that... I want my fairytale. Like in the books, and in the movies. It's dumb, but it's all I want at this point."

"It's not dumb. You just need to figure out exactly what you want. Like who's your dream significant other?"

"I don't know. Someone nice I guess. And funny, they have to be funny. I want to be with someone who understands my humor." I'd settle for just about anyone, but I can't tell him that. He'll make fun of me.