Loveless

Chapter Two

The next morning I was woken by my mom yelling at me for sleeping in. Then she yelled because I poured my cereal wrong. Then she yelled because I gave said cereal to Evie when I lost my appetite. Then she yelled because I was running late to school. I woke up doing everything wrong, silly me.

I met up with Oliver on the way to school, and we walked together same as we have done every morning for six years straight.

"Did you read anything new while I was gone?" I ask still half asleep, dragging my feet.

"Nope. I reread an old one on my shelf and went to bed. You?"

"Did I read anything new? Of course not. I did think about Solitaire for a while though." I laugh.

"Yeah the first time I read it, it was all I could think about for weeks. Good luck with that."

"Wow. Thanks. I look forward to it." I say mockingly. He just bumps into me with his shoulder, and smiles. There it is again; that Oliver smile.

One thing I've learned about Oliver is that he prefers the silences in conversations that others may find awkward. He feels most comfortable when the conversation has died, and you're left thinking about what was said. When all parties are deep in thought, but not attempting to fill the air with words that are simply unnecessary. I think it's that he doesn't really notice how quiet it goes between us. Or maybe he likes it better when I'm just not talking. I can't word-vomit if I'm not speaking.

Oliver's shoulder continues to brush against mine when he avoids obstacles in the sidewalk. Each time I feel his against mine, it's like a butterfly landing on my arm. He's so gentle yet so reckless. There has to be a word for that. Gentle but reckless. I get the chills thinking too deeply about it.

"So..." I say, trying to defer my thoughts.

"Hm?" He says calmly. It's as if I've just interrupted his own thoughts. I regret speaking now. I wonder if his are anything like mine. Probably not.

Some things really never changed after I told him. I'm still undeniably awkward; he still ignores it. Sometimes I think he doesn't even notice. I've always been this way, why would he notice. I search for things to talk about now that I've already broken the silence, but I fail. Thankfully, he sees that I never really had anything to talk about in the first place.

"Are you excited for the start of a new school year?" He asks, attempting to make small talk. We aren't very good at small talk anymore. Our friendship has advanced far beyond that.

"Yeah I guess. I wish we had more classes together. I don't know who I'm going to talk to." I say sadly.

"Yeah, me too. Guess I'll just have to read and appear mysterious to everyone so nobody wants to talk to me" He says and laughs. The issue with this is that our school is small. Everybody knows everybody. It's hard to really ignore people there.

"That might work." I say laughing and look at him, probably for a bit too long because he looks away. "We'll still sit together at lunch?"

"Of course." He says, looking back at me. "Who else will I steal chips from if you're not there?" He laughs and bumps into me again. The stupid butterfly. I rub my arm subconsciously, and smile.

We finish our walk in silence, both listening to music, probably his playlist playing through both of our headphones. He always asks why I don't make a playlist for myself, but I don't really know what my own music taste is. In fact, I don't really know who I am without him. If I were to make my own playlist, it'd probably be just like his, minus a few songs maybe, and adding a few of Evie's favourites.

Today I would rather pull my hair out than be in school, even though I usually like school. I get nervous at the beginning of the new school year. Everything's the same; I know all of the teachers and my classmates, but it still feels different.