Loveless

Chapter Nine

I woke up still in Oliver's arms, though he's reading now. I move weakly, attempting to stretch my limbs, not wanting to leave his side. "What time is it?" I murmur, my voice raspy, and my throat dry.

"Nearly 7pm." He states.

"I slept that long? Have you been here the entire time?" I ask, feeling bad. He must've been so bored.

"Yeah." There's no emotion in his voice, and it seems he's back to his normal blunt ways.

"You could have left." I say, rolling off of him and reaching for my water from yesterday.

"I didn't want to." He responds, standing up getting out of bed. He stretches and I hear his back crack. "Though I am starving, are you hungry?" He says, making his way across the room.

"Not really." I respond. "You can go eat." I say, and he shoots me a smile full of pity, then leaves. I lay back against his pillows and pull his blankets over my head, hiding myself in a cocoon of his scent. I don't want to leave the bed, I don't want to do anything.

The memories of yesterday flood through my brain, and my body starts to tremble lightly. I still feel numb, like my heart has decided to shut off because it can't handle any more. I look at my phone and have a text from my dad, asking to call when I can, so I do.

"Hey Toby, you had me worried there. Where were you all day?" He asks, voice full of sadness.

"I'm still at Oliver's. I slept all day, sorry." I respond back.

"How are you feeling?" He questions.

"Better I think." I lie. "I want to come home."

"Soon, I promise. Your mom's just having trouble understanding this. She doesn't seem very angry anymore." He responds; though it doesn't make sense to me. What doesn't she understand?

"Oh, okay." I say quietly. "Is Evie alright?"

"Yeah, she misses you. She feels awful about everything."

"It's not her fault." I respond, and he just lets out a small grunt. "I'll call her."

"Definitely do that, I think she wants to see you." He says thoughtfully.

"I want to see her too." I respond and we go quiet for a moment. I've realized that the silences in conversations are only comfortable when it's Oliver and I; it feels deathly right now. "I should go. I love you."

"I love you too, Toby. Hang in there, it won't be much longer. Thank Oliver and his mom for me." He says, and I hang up. I contemplate calling Evie, but decide to call her a bit later.

I look around the room, taking everything in. It's so him; the bookshelves, music posters on the walls, the paint is dark green which is his favorite color. Nothing seems superficial; nothing seems out of place. My room is filled with my mom, and his is filled with him.

I feel anger rise in my chest, not at anyone in particular, more just at the world. What have I done to deserve this? It must've been something extremely bad. I stand up, now so angry that I can't bare to continue laying down.

I want to scream, punch things, send things flying across the room. I want to throw a proper fit. I'm better than this; I'm acting immature. Anger won't solve anything. Why is it that I can go nearly 24 hours not feeling anything, then immediately feel intense anger?

I walk to the bathroom, trying not to make too much noise. I don't want to alert Oliver. Anger wells up in my eyes, and I feel like I might finally cry. The lump in my throat is dangerously sore, making it hard to breathe. I open the window in his bathroom gasping for a proper breath.