Loveless

Chapter Three

Oliver's house is cozy; it feels like a proper home. Oliver walks off to the restroom and I throw myself onto his couch and close my eyes. I bring my knees to my chest and wrap my arms around my legs; i either look like a big baby or a massive pretzel, i can't tell.

"So, are you going to tell me what's been bothering you?" Oliver asks, I didn't even hear him come back in.

"It's nothing, I'm just tired. Don't worry." He just gives me the 'I know you're lying' face and I close my eyes again.

"You know you can talk to me, I won't judge you." He says, placing a hand on my leg. Such a simple gesture, but it makes me want to squirm away. I don't of course, that would be too obvious.

"I know." I say quietly.

"It's okay if you're having a bad day." He says, though I don't exactly know what it means in my context. A bad day could be anything.

"I'm not having a bad day." I say, my voice shaky. I can feel my eyes burning with tears, but I try my best to hold them back for Oliver's sake.

"Toby." Is all he says. He says my name so quietly, calmly. He's the only person who deserves to say my name like that.

I don't respond, I just move my leg a bit so he knows I heard him. He squeezes it and I feel my heart drop. I can barely hold my tears in, and I'm nearly positive they've already started streaming down my face. I don't think Oliver notices, because my face is buried in one of the pillows on the couch.

He grabs my arm and drags me into his chest, giving me a hug. This isn't like Oliver; he isn't very affectionate. I know he cares, but he has trouble showing it. Before I know it, I'm sobbing.

"I don't know what's wrong." I say between gentle sobs, staining his shirt with my tears.

"Maybe nothing actually is wrong, maybe it just feels wrong." He says, now running fingers through my hair. It's nice, but I know my feelings will never recover from this.

"Then why am I crying?" I ask as if he'll know the answer. He usually does.

"Overwhelmed? Sometimes it's easier to cry than to let yourself struggle through it." He's probably right. I just nod my head.

I move off of his chest and lean back, wiping my face and attempting to smile. "Haha sorry, that was weird." I say trying to push it off as nothing. He just looks concerned.

"Don't apologize, it's okay to cry." He says calmly. He's so good at comforting me, I don't understand it. How does he understand me so well.

"Thanks, I'm just going to run to the restroom." I say excusing myself quickly. I splash some water over my face and attempt to steady my breathing. I sit on the floor with my back against the door and just think. I'm the best at thinking.

After about 5 minutes I know I have to go back, or else he'll come looking for me. He's put on some tv show on Netflix that I've never heard of, but it doesn't seem like he's paying attention. He's just staring ahead; which if I know him at all, means he's thinking.

I climb over his legs to the other side of the sofa, and he nudges me while I go by. I just look at him and smile.

"Are you feeling better now?" He looks so worried. I hate that I've made him feel this way.

"Yeah, sorry again. I don't really know what came over me." I say quietly.

"That's okay, you know you can always cry on my shoulder if you need." He's so polite.

"What are we watching?" I ask.

"To be entirely honest, I don't know." He says and laughs. "I just clicked the first one that was there."