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Maeve Carney's 17th Birthday Party

The entire incident this morning must have shook me more than I thought it did, because the rest of my day was spent in this state of limbo, spectating just above my body. I watch myself move, I watch the world spin, I watch the milky way funnel gas toward the galactic center. Maeve spends first period (and second, and third...) telling everyone about her upcoming birthday party planned to take place Friday and I groan with every new guest. Of course, I am going to go because she is my best friend, but it looks as if the entire junior class and then some is invited. I hate parties.

Faye Edgell hasn't appeared for a long time. I haven't told anyone about the smart board and being locked in the classroom. It feels like a secret only the two of us should keep.

During free period, I go to the library again and open my laptop, but I don't touch the cursor and just sit in front of it, scrolling on my phone instead. After a few minutes of this, Ruby Thompson sits beside me.

"All right?" she says with a small smile. I hate when people greet each other with "all right".

"Yeah," I say. "You?"

"Yep." She always seems so embarrassed to be speaking to me. I have no idea why. I don't remember her being that way in middle school. "Doing homework?"

I glance at my laptop screen which is open to a blank document and nod. "Yeah," I lie. No, I am not doing homework. I don't think I've done homework the entire year. I can practically feel Ruby searching for something to say, something to bridge the awkward gap between us. It takes an uncomfortable amount of time for her to speak again.

"Are you going to Maeve's party?" It is a stupid question, and I think Ruby knows that. Of course I am. I'm forced to.

"Yes. I'm assuming you are, too?"

"Yeah," she nods. "I was planning on it."

And for some reason, her face gets very red now and she excuses herself from my table. The awkwardness is no longer cute. In fact, Ruby Thompson is getting to be almost as annoying as Faye. But, that may be because I do not like talking at all. It doesn't matter who I'm with. I wish my mouth could be sewn closed and my ears tucked inward. Perhaps thinking would be easier that way.

***

I tell Elio about the smart board as soon as I get home. He doesn't seem very excited as he types away at a laptop.

"Why are you hanging around Faye Edgell?" he asks.

"I'm not," I say. "She's not even part of my friend group."

"But, you called her to help you."

"Yeah, because she is slightly obsessed with being my friend. I didn't think anyone else would've come."

"What about Maeve?"

"She was definitely asleep." I lean against the doorway of my brother's bedroom, not quite inside, not quite out. "Do you ever think about the person you would be if I was never born?"

Elio doesn't reply, but I know his answer. He wouldn't. He wouldn't be a person at all.

"Sunny, Elio! Dinner!" my father calls from the base of the stairs and I wait for him to shut his laptop and join me in the dining room. We sit, the four of us, in our usual seats and eat a frankly unremarkable dinner. We say nothing of importance almost the entire duration.

"Maeve's birthday is this weekend," I comment, glancing at my mom. "Can I go to her party on Friday?"

"Friday?" her eyes snap upwards as if I had proposed something ridiculous. "Your father and I are leaving Thursday evening for Chicago." My parents take business trips once every few months where they leave for an entire weekend and travel to various cities. Elio and I have never once been invited to tag along.