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A Life Worth Living

Faye knows how to cook. I've been sort of aware of this for the past few weeks as I got to know her. She told me this in Maeve's bedroom before Elio's episode, she baked blackberry cupcakes with me the day after, she always seemed to be in her kitchen when her parents were away. But now, as I sit on the counter beside her, it is very clear that she is actually incredible at cooking.

"You're very impressive," I say, and she smiles at me like I'm being funny.

"How?"

"I don't know. You're just able to do... this," I gesture to the chicken sizzling on the stove top and her hands stirring a sauce beside it.

"Well, cooking is probably the only thing I'm good at. That's not very impressive."

"It's better than not being good at anything."

"I guess."

"I'm not good at anything."

She furrows her brows but keeps her eyes on the sauce. "You're a very good sister. And friend. And you're a lot smarter than most people I know."

"That stuff isn't impressive."

"Of course it is," Faye replies, her eyes pointing up to me again. "If someone is good at everything but they don't know how to be a good friend, they're automatically a shittier person." She pauses before smiling. "Take Noah Likins for example. He's good at sports, yeah, and he passes his classes, but he is an unbearable dickwad."

I grin and shake my head. "People still like him though."

"Nobody smart." Maeve does. Maeve is smart and she likes Noah. "And anyway," Faye says as she returns her attention to the stove. "You don't want to be good at everything. That's how people become boring."

"How's that?"

"You lose all your passion. If you're athletic and attractive and funny and smart, you stop caring about things."

"I don't know if passion is so important."

Faye whisks the sauce one last time before turning the heat off. "Passion is what makes life worth living."

She looks at me, only a few inches away from my face, and I blink. I would never say it out loud, but I realize then that I don't have any passion. I've somehow not become good at anything and yet, I am a boring person. My life isn't worth living.

She opens a cupboard and fetches two plates, like she grew up in these walls. As if this is her home and she knows exactly what the creaks in the cabinet doors are saying. Our meal is served, and it looks like something I would pay $30 for at a fancy restaurant.

"Thai peanut chicken," she says simply before sitting at the table. I join her and, after a bite, it is evident that Faye Edgell should continue to cook forever. Her life is worth living, and there is physical proof in front of me.

I'm not sure where my parents are right now, but they haven't come home and it's approaching 9 PM. Elio's music is playing upstairs, quietly, and Orion is watching us eat from his window sill.

"So," I say. "Your mom is awful."

Faye chuckles at this while moving her chicken around with a fork. "Yeah, a bit," she shrugs. "You don't mind me staying here, do you? I can always walk back, but-"

"No. No, absolutely not. You're staying here."

"Okay," she mumbles through a breath. "Thanks."

We eat a strangely quiet meal and, as Faye begins walking upstairs, I get the urge to forbid her from entering my bedroom. I don't want her to see my walls and the billions of tons of trash I've collected this week. I don't want her to look at me like I've lost my mind. I don't want to try and fall asleep, because I know I won't be able to. Thankfully, Elio interrupts us.