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Perfectly Fine

"Where's Faye," Reagan says as I sit beside her during pre-cal. I really don't feel like answering, so I just shrug. "Have you seen her at all today?"

"During first period she was there for, like, two minutes."

"That's strange. Is something wrong with her?"

I give another shrug. "I don't know."

"Aren't you two friends, though?"

Right now, I have never hated someone more than I hate Reagan Alexander. She's a perfectly fine girl, but the way she cannot read my mind and understand why I don't want to speak makes me furious. I really am the worst ever.

"Well, yeah. But, I haven't heard from her since Saturday night."

"Oh," she says, then after a beat, "I heard you and Maeve are no longer friends."

"What?"

"Just... Maeve told us. She seems upset."

"Who's 'us'?"

"Our group. You know, Noah and Victoria and everyone."

I cross my arms and glance away. "Cool."

"Are you okay?"

No, I think. I seriously hate myself. I don't think I can do anything about the way my life is turning out and there is nobody to blame except myself. I am miserable.

"I'm perfectly fine," I say and, because I cannot be bothered with her any longer, plug in my earbuds.

Through the tiny door window, I see Ruby pass by, holding books in her arms as if they were a shield. I immediately get up and walk through the door, not even stopping to ask the teacher if I can. "Hey," I call out as I enter the hall and pull an earbud out. Ruby turns to face me as I approach.

"Hi," she says.

"You've been avoiding me."

"What? No I haven't."

"Don't lie," I say, and the words actually make her flinch. "What's wrong? Why are you being so strange?"

It takes her a very long time to respond. "I just... shouldn't have tried to be your friend again. I don't know why I did. It's very difficult for me to be around you."

I blink. "Have you been talking to Maeve or something?"

"Maeve?"

"Have you two decided you hate me now? That I'm too upsetting to be friends with? Is that what's happening?"

"No, no. I promise. I really just... I can't be your friend. I'm sorry." Her last few words come out as a sort of whisper and I shake my head.

"I don't understand," I say. "You're the one who wanted to hang out and everything. You sat beside me during free period."

"I... thought things would be different than they were. I thought we could spend time together like we used to. But, I was wrong."

"You're being very elusive, Ruby," I say. "Why can't you just spit out what you're trying to say? Why must you speak in riddles?"

"It is just... very hard for me to be around you."

"Yeah, I know. You said that already. Is it because I'm too pessimistic? Have I 'changed'? Do I drag everyone down? What is your reasoning, Ruby Thompson? Why am I too difficult to spend time with?"

Ruby takes in a breath before shaking her head. "I just don't want to do this. Okay?"

"Fine. Whatever," I reply. I think I have a gift. Somehow, I have eliminated every single one of my friends in 3 days. That might be a record.