04/21/15
Relaxed. That is how I feel right now...relaxed. And to be honest, I'm pretty glad I can say it because, after the night I had and half the day today, I should be in bed sleeping just right now at 8:03 pm. But instead, I am here typing and, while I type, I think of him. Actually, I have him in my head practically all day. I don't know if it's wrong but I definitely don't care because, even if I wanted to not think of him I wouldn't have a choice. He has become the one to haunt my thoughts day and night.
Yesterday night, I was mad...boy I was mad! But I was mostly scared. I felt so vulnerable in front of him, even though I know he knows me better than anyone. I have confirmed the thing that for everyone else seems obvious but for us is being so hard to reach and, that is trust. That small 5-letter word, which has an enormous power and plenty of significance.
I love him. I love him with all of my heart and he knows that. And I am sure he loves me back. Doubts always make their way in our heads and start playing games with us. Making us imagine things, get paranoid and react in impulse. Well, that is what happened. I needed something but, like I mentioned before, I am terrible at words so, of course I did not use the right words and caused this argument which later was turning our "good night" into a disastrous one. Our answer? Communication. It's so important to communicate. It is so weird and dumb that I am here, talking about communication when I am not a great communicator. I want to be better with words for him, for me, for us. To make this work. To fight together for this. Not letting every little thing tear us apart. I am probay going to hurt you and, you are probably going to hurt me...but what matters is what comes after? Do you give up on that person? No. You don't. If you truly love them you will fight for it. And I know I love him. I love his attitude, his personality, his emotions. I love cuddling with him, having my head on his chest, listening to his heart beat. I love having his arms wrapped around me and just hold me. I love our passionate kisses, but our gentle kisses drive me insane. I love his gentle touch over my skin. And because I know I love him, I know I will not give up on him. I'll be here to support him, to take care of him, to encourage him, to cheer him up, to make him feel as wanted as I can. All this because I love him. Yes, we still have plenty arguments to have but, we will fight together because I am his, and he is mine.
