Why do we like to put ourselves and the ones we love through situations of pain and loneliness? Why can't a person trust you after months of loyalty? Why can't people communicate their feelings with those who truly love them and have been here for them for months? It hurts to know that the person you love the most doesn't trust you, even though you have been there for them for a long time and you have been loyal every single day of the journey. I understand everyone has that period of time where you feel weak, insecure and unhappy all the time, but I also know that those days are the days where you most need support from those that truly love you, and not just people around you giving you the easy ways out, guiding you to bad habits or things that will hurt you or make your situation worse.
It is so frustrating to get pushed away without even a real reason... To be left out not knowing how everything went wrong or what was your mistake. It feels like if you were blind.
The thought of everything ending up the way you don't want it to is heart breaking and nerve-wracking. There will always be people around us that all they want is to cause others problems or start rumors. They will give you bad advice and hide it behind a smile and you'll fall. It sucks to not know in what position you are. To be lost...and all you can really do is wait, and hope for the best to happen. Hope that your love for that person will be strong enough to make them see the truth and finally trust you. But also, there will always be the people that no matter how much help and support you offer will still want to destroy themselves. And this is what worries me. That you are alright, everything is good, but then, something happens or someone puts a wrong idea in your head (even yourself) and all the good moments together are erased from you, and all left in your head are doubts and insecurities. All you think about and do is be lonely, that you are worthless, or that no one around you really cares.
It is heartbreaking to think that months of love, happiness, laughs, tears, faith and passion can end because of lack of trust and communication. Because we let others come and tell us how a relationship should be and point out our mistakes. Because we let ourselves get doubts all the time.
It is the most important thing to do: to work on yourself. To rebuild your strength, self-confidence, and energy. To remember your value. And that is what I have been doing. But, what to do when you are being strong and self-confident again and that seems to be causing problems? Let me tell you...the fact that I am confident and strong doesn't mean my feelings will change towards you. If I loved you on my weakest day I will love you on my strongest one. I will not go and throw away all these months of ups and downs together for, like you have told me, a "one night thing." What we have is special, and it is something you work on everyday, you fight for it, you believe that everything will be ok and you trust your partner. Yes, it is hard, especially when you have been hurt in the past, but I am not like them, and I think I have proven that for the past months. I can't make you believe me, you are the only one that can decide that, but I really hope you do and not let doubts or rumors break us apart. I have given my all to you, I don't know what else I can do to make you believe me. Yes, I have done things without thinking before, but you have also, and I have let them go because I love us and I want this to last. If there is one thing that hasn't even crossed my mind is to go behind your back and cheat on you. If not having my attention 24/7 makes you feel insecure then that is something you have to work on yourself, because it's impossible. I know that because I was feeling that same way. I wanted your attention on me every minute of the day and felt so nervous and insecure whenever we weren't talking or together, but I understood that we both still have our individual lives and work to do. The fact that I don't text you or call you as much doesn't mean I am cheating on you or not interested in you anymore. I have tried to show you how much I love you with everything I do, and that you are the only one I love and care about. But if it is not enough then I don't know what to do. I will keep trying and trying but you also have to try with me. Try to trust me. Try to forgive and forget all those people from your past that hurt you and learn from those lessons. Accept the scars they have given you so you can accept the fact that I won't give you any more scars like that. We all have gotten scars. I have been hurt and I have scars. But I am not worried about those because I can't change it. I can't change my past and the decisions I took. I moved on, and now am with you and hope our love is stronger than our insecurities and doubts.
He have to be strong enough to admit when we need help and support but also be wise to look for the right people that will truly help you and not just give you an easy way out.
