Twelve Lies I Told Shingen Takeda

Chapter Twenty-Two - Apologies, Said and Unsaid

The fine-boned figure waiting for me when I emerged from the bath house stood still as a statue, his mismatched eyes gazing into the distance. Rain blew across the walkway from the open rock garden, but if he felt the wet, he ignored it. Why was Kenshin, of all people, still here? And...

"Where did everyone go?"

Slowly he turned toward me as if surprised by my presence, even though I knew nothing got past that thousand-meter stare. "Mai is waiting for you in Yoshimoto's rooms." He pronounced her name as if she were more necessary than air – and to him, maybe she was. "The others walked her over."

Well, that answered the question I had verbalized. Hopefully the answer to my unspoken query would become clear. "Ah, ok. Thanks for passing that along." I turned toward the main part of the castle. Without comment, Kenshin fell into step beside me. I still didn't understand why he was sticking around. Maybe he was also waiting for an apology? I tried that out for size. "I'm sorry."

"For what?" Succinct as always. It left me with the burden of conversation – although maybe that was his goal.

"Everything that contributed to Iekane's being able to ... well, you know." He frowned at the mention of Iekane, but otherwise didn't say anything. "That pretending to be someone I am not helped lead to the events of last night." I hoped that made sense to him – it was a struggle to converse with him when our only real link was affection for Mai.

Kenshin – well, he didn't shrug, but he managed to convey the essence of one without actually moving. "Your only pretense was in clothing. You are who you are. No matter. I'm not the one you should apologize to for that."

"I know." No... Mai was not our only link. And Kenshin's relationship with Shingen was possibly as complicated as mine was. They'd been enemies for years, and yet Kenshin had respected Shingen to the point of inviting him into his home. Welcomed him even. They must have so many stories – stories that I had no right to ask him about.

We walked in silence, our sandals splashing through the puddles that had collected over the course of the storm. It wasn't that it was awkward, well, odd, because I had no idea what he expected of me. I didn't even know if conversation was expected of me.

Finally, Kenshin said, "I apologize for last night's accusations."

Unlike Kenshin, I did shrug. "Technically, you didn't accuse me of anything. And to quote you – I'm not the one you should apologize to for that." Hopefully he would take that in the spirit with which it was given, and not as an invitation to stab.

"I have apologized, but words are not enough to make up for a broken trust. Mai and I will find a way though, because she is more forgiving, more loving, than I deserve." I agreed but wasn't stupid enough to say that out loud. "Even so, I inflicted a wound that will not heal quickly. I pledged to do whatever I can to mend things... and more importantly to ensure it will not happen again."

"That's good." My version of a smile and nod. Even though I didn't understand him, didn't understand the entity that Mai and Kenshin comprised, I hoped everything would work out for them, because they both clearly loved each other.

"I never feared in war, never gave a thought to my own death... but the idea of losing the people close to me ... it shakes me to my core." He stopped walking then, and out of politeness, I skidded to a halt as well. "I try not to hold on to them too tightly – fighting my self is a harder battle than any I have fought in the past." Well, he was the God of War. Fighting himself would be an epic battle. But I didn't know him well enough to say that out loud. He'd never struck me as someone who I could share a laugh with. "Learning not to fear loss is a hard lesson. I suspect it is one that you need to learn as well." He gave me a brief nod, then started walking again, without bothering to see if I was keeping pace.