Twelve Lies I Told Shingen Takeda

Chapter 26: Fade Out

Why did it have to be a cave?

It's ok... it's ok. I can do this.

But... I couldn't go in there alone. Instead, I waited at the mouth of the cave while Shingen got Good Horse settled under the dubious shelter of the trees. There wasn't much he could do to keep him completely dry, although Shingen rigged a rough lean-to out of tree branches that might at least keep the worst of the wet off Good Horse.

Once Good Horse was taken care of, Shingen walked past me into the cave. He paused, then turn back to me. "Coming?" The subtext was clear - I could walk in under my own power, or Shingen would sling me over his shoulder like a sack of rice and carry me in.

I can do this.

My feet were not convinced. Ok, look feet, we'll keep the entrance of the cave in sight, so there will be fresh air, ok? Fresh air is all you really need. I forced my feet to follow him into the cave and got about half a meter inside before they succumbed to a full body nope.

Shit. It's dark.

My logical self reminded my chickenshit self that it was not afraid of the dark. Dark was never the problem.

Logic didn't work on my feet, which refused to budge beyond that point. They were going to stay at the entrance, where there was still a sliver of light visible on the horizon. "Do you have a lantern?"

"I was more concerned with catching up to you, than I was with grabbing a lantern." His sarcasm was cutting, but I latched onto it as a distraction. At least the internal flinch at his tone gave me something different to think about. I heard him rustling around. "The slightly good news is that I never had time to unpack my saddlebags, so at least I've got a change of clothing." More rustling. "Not completely dry, more's the pity, but the oilskin protected them to an extent."

There was a whoosh, then something cloth landed in my arms. "Get out of those wet things."

I automatically grabbed onto the material before it fell to the ground. Seemed to be the inner layer of his kimono... and one of the furs the trapper had pressed upon us. Focusing on peeling my wet clothes off my body kept my mind off the suffocating dark. The soaking material felt like it had suctioned itself to me. I could hear similar squelching noises from where Shingen was in the deeper, darker area of the ca-

I can do this.

His kimono was huge on me, but I wrapped it around like a hug, then clutched the fur, pretending it was a friendly dog, keeping me company in the dar-

There was fresh air coming from the entrance. I concentrated on the breeze that caressed my face and took a deep breath of it to remind my lungs everything was fine.

I slid down the cave wall to sit on the ground, then turned my face toward the entrance, watching that patch of dimness grow fainter and fainter until it was a small square of light...

The television was a small square of light in the room that had already darkened in the winter twilight. She sat on the sofa, a wool shawl slipping off one shoulder, her gaze pinned to the television. Was she paying attention to it? Was she watching? She seemed equally oblivious to the show and unaware that I was standing over her holding a tray of tea and the strawberry daifuku I had spent all afternoon preparing.

I set the tray on the coffee table in front of her. "Hey... mom... want a snack? Or tea?" Automatically, she picked up one of the pastries and held it in front of her mouth. I didn't breathe until she finally took a tiny bite of it. But there was no evidence that she enjoyed it.