Dreamchasers

Chapter 15 (2)

I DON'T WANT TO BE INSIGNIFICANT!

I don't want to leave as if I had never lived!

She rushed into the street as if nothing was hindering her while paying no attention to the pedestrians and cars coming and going.

In spite of everything, I believe life is beautiful. Nothing I have lived through are pecks of dust to be swept away. They all matter so much to me.

Sometimes I felt happy.

I still vividly remember the carefree lights listening to summer bugs humming. The tranquil blue colors found in my hometown. The majestic city lights of Laurel City's evenings. The instant I saw Jules wearing that matching outfit for the annual Laurel runway competition. The awe I felt from viewing all the entries for the competition. The afternoons I wandered around shops and boutiques with Simone. The surprise I had when recognizing Bianca.

Other times I felt blue.

With my greatest joys came my greatest sadnesses. I couldn't help feeling helpless about the leaving of Ms. Green in middle school. I couldn't help thinking about the last time I hugged Bianca before she left Laurel City. And I often wondered why Jules behaves the way she does. My happiness and sadness were like two sides of a coin, often coming hand-in-hand. All these unforgettable memories gave me power and humility. It was them that I became who I am now.

Who am I if I can't face my feelings, portray them, and let them live on!

Who am I if I fail to live up to myself?

Eventually, she stopped at a bench around the river. She sat down and buried her face in her hands.

Why...why are those feelings so painful? Why couldn't those damn tears stop wetting my face?

She looked up and immediately saw a plethora of fuzzy light circles blending into one another. She wiped her misty eyes and watched the quiet reflections of buildings dancing in the river. One day I will say goodbye to my friends. I know that I will be sad, but it's better to have them once here than to never have met them at all. Jules, Simmy, Felicity, and Bianca...will you feel the same way as me too? One year ago, she imagined suddenly feeling grown-up after her middle school graduation ceremony. By the end of the ceremony, she realized that she was still the same self as one day before.

But she felt a little grown-up today.

For it was at this moment that she realized that all her emotions, the good or the ugly, were embodiments of her individuality. The way to let go of magic was to turn her emotions into a creative, powerful force of life.

✨

That night, Beth was tired and wanted to sleep earlier.

After she finished her homework, she turned off the lights, climbed straight onto her bed, and rolled into her blanket. In a few minutes, she would be submerged in a floating sea of nothingness; her tangled emotions would dissipate; by the time morning comes, she would rise and shine like a new person. Yet she was having trouble falling asleep in the first place. Her eyes were fixated on the blocks of night lights that extend into thin stripes of colors and fade away.

It had been a while since Beth was in touch with her magic. She knew that it was weakening. There was a fade of color on the surface of her bracelet, which was placed right beside her homework. When she examined the bracelet closely, she spotted cracks on the edge of it.

Beth sat up in the dark, quietly savoring the day when she first faced her magic. At that moment, she wished to become creative and capable like her friends. She stood in front of an image of her grown-up self, beautiful, charming, and confident. But as soon as she reached out to that person, they dispersed into filaments of light and were never seen again. Beth started to realize the reason behind their disappearance. That person was, after all, a creation woven together by threads of her own imagination, in a specific space and time. Beth, however, had changed, and so was the way she synthesized ideas.