chapter thirty one

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t a e t a e

Monday, November 21 - 3 a.m.

It's been a hour since I've slept, only an hour. I wake up, looking at the ceiling. Touching my face towards my forehead, massaging it slowly. I didn't have the need to sleep again.

I sit up on my bed, crouching down as my hand wandered under the bed to grab the packet of cigarettes. Sadly, there's was only one when I found the small rectangular box.

Lighting up the cigarette, I made my way to the balcony. The wind was cold and yet warm. I sat on the chair, admiring the view.

That's when my eyes couldn't help but wander at the room where she was before. All I could see was Sehun sitting next to a girl that looked awfully like her. She was smiling as they watched a movie. Sehun kept feeding her, putting all his attention on her.

Well he's happy.

I wonder what she's doing. Is she okay? Did she found someone or was she interested in someone other than me? Is that even possible in less than a month to change feelings for someone that you've spent so much time with?

Today I could see her, at her usual spot. Maybe she won't be there anymore just to avoid me. I basically know every secret spot that she showed me, I guess we were that close to tell secrets.

I'm a stupid, childish, fucking jerk.

Gazing at the cigarette that was between my fingers, I stared at it longly before squeezing it before smashing it on the floor with my slipper.

Getting up from the chair, I stretch my body as I enter my apartment. The first thing I do is look at myself in the mirror. I look horrible and physically dead.

Tapping my face several times to wake up, I wash myself up and I quickly change into something good. I put on perfume, the one she really liked. The one I used to hate.

Sitting back down, I just close my eyes and let myself relax for a minute before I go out to uni. Time really went fast, a lot quicker than I thought it will go.

I look at my phone and I got nothing but worried texts from my friends. Some were asking me to go out for a small trip to get my mind off of things. But I really didn't want to see any of them. I just wanted to be alone and think of a way to make a sincere apology.

Sighing, I put on my hoodie and decided to grab a cup of coffee before I go to class. I still had a lot of time until my day starts.

❣︎

Parking my car right in front of the uni, I take a deep breath because it's been a week since I didn't came here. I wasn't mentally stable to go here, and because of her, I couldn't see her face if she saw me.

She would've slapped me if I even open my mouth to say sorry again.

I entered uni, pushing my hair back as I see everyone looking at me with confused faces or just shocked that I even came back. They probably know my now what happened.

I stumbled forward when I felt an arm around my neck. I gazed beside me to see Chen, a friend of Yugyeom. We barely talked, only at parties.

"So," He starts, dragging me where there was less students.

"I think you already know what happened, stop with the act, Chen."

"What happened?" He asked. I look back at him ad I see his genuine confused face. One thing for sure with this guy was he was never able to keep his emotions hidden, he always showed them.

"You don't know? Does anyone know what happened?"

"Bro, I'm just as confused as everyone else. A lot of girls are worried about you and why you kept drinking heavily around the corner. You don't have to say what happened, just worried you know?"

"I'm fine, just something with my family."

"I thought so, because I know it won't be a girl," He laughed, pushing me playfully as I let out a fake chuckle.

He sticks with me before he goes with his friends. He decided to join me for lunch since his other friends were going somewhere else. I gladly accepted because I was going to be alone anyways, in the corner.

I walk towards my class, looking down at my phone. As I walked, I listen to a familiar voice. The sweet and kind voice that I listened to every day without any complaints. The one I usually listen to everywhere and crave for.

Looking up, I saw her, Y/n, talking on the phone. I was quite happy that she was facing her back, I could admire her from afar at least.

What surprised me was that she didn't wore cute clothes, like the ones she usually wears. She wore a skirt that went up her thighs and a crop top that showed her shoulders. She told me that she never wanted to be like the other girls.

This is way too quick for me to process.

"There's a party this Saturday at my friend's house, do you want to come?" She said joyfully, really wanting the person to come.

"Great! We have to do so much things before and I want you to come with me somewhere."

"Where? It's just to remove a tattoo, I don't like it anymore. There's a guy in that tattoo shop that I want to avoid and I don't want to be alone, haha."

My eyes widen as the guy she mentioned was me. I made a special design for her tattoo personally. I loved at how pretty it looked on her body and how I kind of marked her before the truth. I don't want her to remove it especially another guy. I want to make things right and tell her how much I regret everything and how much I love her.

Unintentionally, my hand went to her shoulder, turning her around. She frowned and looked up at me. Her expression completely changed and mine too. She pushed my hand away, keeping the call.

"What do you want?"

"Removing that tattoo is not going to change anything, you know that."

She scoffed, looking at me dead in the eye. I kind of missed how sweet she looked and not how mean she looked right now. It felt like she completely changed. Not only in looks but how she spoke with her tone.

"It's the first step- Oh, it's nothing, it's just a random guy I bumped into," She ignores me, giving me annoyed look before going away.

Running towards her, I turn her again as she glared at me this time. I see her knuckles turning white at the wha she grasped her phone.

"Then what the hell were we, Y/n? Tell me we weren't just 'friends'," I said, it came as I was pleading to her to not giving up on me.

"We were strangers from the very beginning, I was the fool to believe that we could be more than 'friends'."

This time, she takes my hand of her shoulder with her hand. She gives me a gloomy glance before continuing talking with the person on the phone.

I stood there with my coffee in the middle of the hallway as I thought what she said. It made sense. It all made sense, I was lying all along. How am I suppose to show her how sorry I am and how much I love her? I just have to think another day.

I'm not even in the mood to attend class, maybe tomorrow.

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