BLOCK ME OUT ❛ i've been thinking way too loud, i wish that i could block me out ❜
CELESTE WAS GOING INSANE.
Her mind was a constant battle of screaming and ranting. She was feeling so overwhelmed. She couldn't bare it anymore but she had to. What else could she do?
She almost screamed at how insanely distracting he was. How he made her want to smash ur head against a wall repeatedly, how he made her feel like the most special girl in the world and how he made her feel loved.
But all good things came to an end, especially in her life.
Celeste was weighed down with all her worries, the image of him was just the cherry on top. She was clinging onto life with all her strength, every ounce of sweat that trickled away from her body made it ten times more difficult. He was just pulling her away, over and over again.
She was so madly in love with him, so sick of him, so obsessed with him.
She needed an escape, she needed to get out of her own mind and scream till her lungs hurt. She just needed it to stop.
She needed the scramble of words in her mind to halt or she wouldn't be able to focus on anything else. She felt so anchored because of him, but she couldn't move on. She loved him so much.
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CELESTE CALLED HIM.
Celeste called him despite the bold letters flashing in her mind that told her not to do it. Celeste called him despite the screaming voices in her mind that told her he had moved on, that he no longer cared about her, that she didn't deserve him.
She heard his voice and it felt like her whole world had turned upside down. She was no longer rooted to the ground. She was floating, further and further away from the ground. His voice wasn't helping.
"Celeste? Are you okay?"
Fuck.
All her emotions that she had kept bottled up exploded. The familiar rock at the back of her throat emerged and she nearly coughed. She inhaled harshly and ended the call.
Fuck.
Celeste was breathing heavily. Ever breath she took in wasn't enough. She needed more air, she couldn't breathe. She was suffocating, the walls around her were caving in and she was trapped. She was trapped.
She trapped herself.
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CELESTE HATED HERSELF.
It drove her insane. She was going insane. How did anyone deal with this? She couldn't bare to look at her own reflection without flinching, or saying anything without beating herself up about it later about how embarrassing she looked.
Why was she like this.
She wanted to tell someone. She didn't know how to tell someone about this, how she never felt safe in her own body or how it made her sob that she was the way she was. But how could she tell anyone this. It felt like all her boundaries were being lifted if she even tried to open up. It was too personal, way too personal.
Maybe it was because of this he left her. Maybe she wasn't pretty enough, maybe she wasn't nice enough, maybe she wasn't enough in general.
Maybe she was too annoying, maybe she was too much like herself, maybe she was too different.
Celeste was doing this to herself. She wanted to block herself out, she wanted to shut her mind up and let it stay like that. She was going to burst, all her emotions flooding out of her body in one, gushing river, destroying everything in its way.
She didn't want to burst.
She really, really didn't want to burst.
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ADIOS AMIGOS.
hi
im going to rant and you are going to listen now or ill slap u
listen, idc who broke ur heart or who dropped u or how nice or how much u like them. no matter how much of a god they seem to u or how they r related to u they are not allowed to make u feel bad abt yourself. i do not care.
you are literally amazing no matter how you look like, what colour your skin is, who you like, what gender you are or how you act. you aren't annoying and you are definitely not ugly. you are hot and beautiful and pretty and goregous and i will slap you if you think otherwise.
if something you do bothers a specific someone, its none of their business. its your body, its you choice, you do what you want. if they find you annoying, or dislike you, honestly? screw them, you deserve better ror
my pms are always open if you need to talk or to rant :(
secondly, IM SORRY IF THIS IS SHIT. I WAS READING SHATTER ME AND I LOVED THE WAY HER WRITING FLOWED SO I WANTED TO TRY AND IF IT TURNED OUT LIKE SHIT I APOLOGISE. BUT I THINK THERE WILL BE A PART TWO :P
