abide

chapter 19

the artificial light in the room flickered, a sharp pain tormented yoshinori's already loaded head. it was heavy, flooded with memories, the boy remembered everything. every single punch given by jihoon, every single word which the other said to him in this broken voice, he remembered yedam, how they both, supporting each other went inside, lastly the scene which caused the unbearable pain burning him from the inside, his jihoon, covered in blood, the liquid seeping from his body. it was all still in front of his eyes, even if they were closed.

he had to wink rapidly a few times before his eyeballs got used to the white light. at first his gaze met with the ceiling and this vile lamp, but the moment he felt someone drawing the blanket higher to cover his body properly, he looked to his left.

yedam was there, although his gaze was absent. he didn't even realise that he wasn't being watched by the person who he merely an hour ago desperately begged to wake up and not give up.

"yedamie..."

his eyes first wandered up, as if helping his ears to believe that what they heard was real, then he finally looked back at yoshinori. he beamed, the muddy irises met the reason to shimmer again.

"hyung you woke up! I will go get asahi!"

"yedam w-wait!"

he had to hurry cause the other was agile enough to be at the doors within seconds. younger tilted his head and came back to the place where he had been before. yoshinori reached out his hand which yedam held with no hesitation.

"where is jihoon?"

a hold tightened, yedamie motioned his head to the right. the leader took a bigger intake of breath, and with his dongsaeng's help, he raised his upperbody and sat down. his heart finally was at ease, jihoon was there, placed not so far away from him. he was bedridden, under sheet with fresh flowers on the drawer. he looked like a convincing patient in a hospital. yoshinori knew that asahi was the one who took out the bullet, was the one who conducted the sewing of his ripped skin back together. what's more, the flowers must have been provided by the one holding his hand so faithfully at the right moment.

"jaehyuk helped carrying him to asahi's operating theatre. he was treated first, forgive us boss. but the moment we took care of him, asahi examined your injuries, gave you medicines, put you in bed and-"

"you were so brave today yedamie."

the other fell silent. the words were heart-tugging, his lips started to tremble. he has always considered himself a coward, he was neither strong nor menacing, they would never let him take part in the mission, jaehyuk especially. but today, no one else but the leader, the one he has respected, said that he was brave. and he really felt brave at his heart.

"where is jaehyukie?"

the shiny smile which appeared on yedam's face after being praised, went away at once. the minute ago his heart was airy, now it felt bouldered again.

"he has been guarding by doyoung's door ever since jihoon got shot. he refused to stop, he just sits there. asahi and I tried to convince him to stand up, he has lacerations too, he has one scratch on his cheek, his chest must be hurt too, he has traces of blood on his shirt, asahi wanted to treat him, he went to convince him and I stayed with you in case you wake up and feels lost. I hope my dearest will take hyukie here, I am so worried, he must have lost so much blood already, he must be so tired..."

a lump emerged in yedam's throat making it impossible to speak more. yoshinori took the initiative instead.

"take me to see your hyukie. there is something I want to tell him."

the younger was a very diligent subordinate, yoshinori's wish was his command. although he would discounsel moving too much with a few patches and gauze dressings on his body, he knew that if asahi failed to bring jaehyuk here, yoshinori was their last hope.

as they got closer to the respective place, jaehyuk was sitting where yedam remembered. he didn't move for an inch. the one change was, that asahi was there with him. his smaller frame attached to the other, their arms entangled, one head on the top of the other.

"yedamie, take asahi away. I will bring your hyukie all safe and sound."

after a while, it was only two of them. the silence prevailed, only their slow breaths were like a lullaby.

yoshinori crouched down next to the other. the scene looked like a parent trying to console the child who couldn't play with other kids in the sander. yet, the words which the older wanted to let out related to matters that troubled adults, still young but already exercised and tried many times by the life they had to live.

"do you remember the safe in our cellar which I forbade anyone to open?" he asked, waiting for reaction. jaehyuk's eyes, disappointed, regretful and pensive looked up reluctantly. "open it, take all the money and go."

the eyes twinkled once. "h-hyung what do you mean?"

"I mean take asahi and yedam to japan, make sure they are safe and happy."

the eyes twinkled for the second time. "but I can't leave you, I promised to stay with you until we settle everything, until everybody is safe. I can't go it is too selfish."

"it's not selfish. it's taking care of whom you cherish the most in this world."

this time the eyes didn't gleam. they were now glossy.

"thank you hyung."

the older leaned his forehead on the other's. their breaths mingled for these few seconds.

"prepare everything and leave tomorrow. don't say goodbye, we are bound to meet again one day."

a stray tear fell on jaehyuk's cheek. he felt free, relieved. what he did was forgiven because yoshinori understood. whatever jaehyuk does, and it has been always like this, is for the ones he loved.

// ✧ //