The Flaked Life Of Lotanna

41

══✿══╡°˖✧LOTANNA✧˖°╞══✿══

I didn't care, and I barely heard his words. The power of his strokes astonished me — how he manipulated both our bodies to give us pleasure. How, in this instance, he wasn't the calm Collin Smith.

I recovered from my surprise long enough to help him meet his thrusts, and we both moaned in unison at how splendid that was, how we both made each other feel. If I believed in such things, I would have thought our bodies were made expressly for the other and no one else. Indeed, it had never been like this before with another man.

How could it have been? The other men were not Collin.

I was so happy yet unsure what was bothering me beneath all that happiness when I woke up. Then I looked beside me and saw Collin snoring quietly. I quietly got out of bed to put on something.

"Hey, beautiful," Collin said grumpily.

I turned to him, smiling. "I thought you were sleeping?"

"I was... until you got out of my arms. Why are you dressing up, though?"

"Wanted to go make something for us to eat. You don't expect us to be in here all day without refueling our energy, right?"

He smiled, "Well, we should be here discussing wedding plans! We are engaged!"

I didn't want to think about it, but it was apparent that he was more excited than I was. I let out a quiet laugh and sat beside him. "We need to take this slow. I have to tell my dad. You know you have to meet him, which may not be anytime soon since he is in the US. So..."

"I can plan for everyone to go to the US. That is not a problem," he interjected.

I totally forgot Collin would do anything to get what he wanted, as long as there was enough money for that. "Why are you in a rush, and do you know how much it costs to send everyone to the US?"

He scoffed. "I am not a tree. I am what they call a forest. There is enough to go around for years to come. I am spending the money on my family, your mum, and the kids."

"The kids?"

"Yeah, the kids. We are a family now," he said, smiling.

That smile right there was genuine. And there I knew Collin was the one. "Let me go make us something to eat." I placed a kiss on his not so moist lips and departed.

While in the kitchen, I couldn't help but keep smiling at myself. Just one act of compassion from Collin, who really loved me and all my baggage, had drowned the doubt and guilt out, even though I didn't know so much about him.

"Are you still here?" A voice said behind me.

That odd feeling came back, building like an unstoppable snowball in the pit of my stomach. That voice was recognizable anywhere. I turned around, and my guess was right. "Good morning Ma. How are you doing?" That's all that came out of my mouth, even though I wanted to say more.

"Good morning? What's so good about this morning when I see a tramp standing in my kitchen?"

"With all due respect, Ma, I will not have you speak to me in that manner. I am a woman like you, and proper women do not look down on each other."

"You think you are a woman?" She scoffed, raising her hands like she was about to slap me.

"I would not do that if I were you," Collin said behind her.

She turned to face him and shook her head. "I heard you proposed marriage to this thing and used your hard-earned money to buy a car. I didn't believe it, so I had to come to see it for myself. If you think I will allow you to humiliate this family, you must be dreaming. I do..."

"Enough!" He shouted. "You have your opinion about her, and quite frankly, I do not care. I am going to marry Lotanna, whether or not you are alive. How I spend my money is my business."

She laughed evilly. "You are my son. You will always listen to me. This Lotanna girl, she's not your type."

That was my cue. I heard enough rubbish said about me in my presence. This woman had a hold over her children, and no matter what Collin felt he wanted, his mother would always be there to tell him otherwise. I didn't need that kind of energy for myself and my family.

"Lotanna, where are you going?" Collin asked.

"Home," I answered and left.

When I got home, mum waited in the living room, but I ignored her. I just walked upstairs to my room and shut the door behind me. I couldn't believe that I was giving up on love for the third time. How naïve and stupid could I possibly be? I took my clothes off and went into the shower. The water poured down as my mind faded into dullness. And everything became a foggy illusion. The sensation of the steamy water calms me; it takes my mind off things. I honestly didn't care about all the things right now, just the water. My mind swirls, and it's like I'm standing under an everlasting waterfall. One that won't last, and I know it now.

I turned the shower off, grabbed my bathrobe, and walked into my bedroom. I took my phone out and sent a text to Christa, ignoring the missed calls from Collin.

Let me know if you are interested in leaving for the US with us this weekend. You still have your blue passport, right?

I dropped the phone on the dresser and just lay on my bed. Falling asleep was like being caught in a carousel of thoughts. Every idea, notion, and event from today replayed in my mind, demanding analysis before I could be allowed to sleep. When my thoughts became nonsense, I knew I was falling asleep. Now all I had to do was let go.

I woke up suddenly, every thought in high definition. My eyes took in every ray of light, and without a doubt, I knew I had slept too long. I lay in my bed, still thinking, then a knock on the door. I didn't answer, but the person kept on knocking, then opened it.

"I should have locked that door," I muttered to myself.

"If you hadn't, I wouldn't know if you were still alive," Christa replied. "What did you mean when you sent that text? You just got engaged. Your business and everything here will be a total loss."

"I am tired of this country. Let me get back to the US. At least I know how the system works over there."

"Hmm, are you sure about this?"

I shook my head.

"But you still want to leave?"

I nodded my head.

"Let's book tickets then. I am not letting you do this alone this time around."