Royal Ever After

chapter four

The second I wake up, I realize the gravity of what I'd just done. I let the reality of the situation sink in. Last night was a mistake. A mistake and nothing else. Despite everything that went down in the last 24 hours, I still want to be friends with him. "Just friends" is good enough for me. Besides, I've always been into girls, ever since I came out of the womb. I can't let myself lose control like that again. I swear I'll be more careful next time. As if the gods are putting me through a test, the first sound I hear when I arrive at school two days later is the sweet tunes of a piano. I follow the melody and end up face to face with Sander. 

"Hey," I say, suddenly shy. What if he doesn't remember anything? We'd had a few drinks after all and I wasn't the only one not thinking straight.

"Hi," he looks up and smiles at me. He's in a good mood, I can tell. He thinks that it meant something, but it didn't. I don't know how to break it to him. I don't know how to explain to him that it was just a one-time thing, even after how magical it felt for the both of us. I let out a sigh of relief as Sander goes back to playing the piano. However, twenty seconds later he stops.

"I just can't seem to get this part right," he groans.

"Let me try." I place my hands on top of his and attempt to play it for him. I hit a few wrong notes and quickly give up. It turns out I am not as talented as I thought because the keys sound even worse than a dying cat.

"I'm afraid I can't help you," I chuckle, a little embarrassed at my skill, or rather lack of it. 

"At least you tried," he holds in his laughter as best as he can, but that only causes his cheeks to puff up. There's a brief moment of silence between us because we both don't want to be the one to break the barrier. His eyes suddenly warp to a serious mode and he fixes his posture.

"About last Friday..." he starts.

"I think we should just forget about it," I cut him off before I say something else that I may regret. I don't want him to get the wrong impression. He seems disappointed; his eyes tell me he doesn't understand. 

"But... we... oh," he stutters, unable to stop fidgeting on his stool.

"Sorry," I mutter. "I'm just not like that. You know what I'm saying?" I cringe at my own words. A pang of guilt flashes in between my eyes and I can't help but feel like I'm betraying him.

"Yeah, I understand," his voice sounds resigned, and I don't blame him.

"I still want us to be friends."

"Yeah," he says again, walking out the room and slamming the door behind him. The second I'm alone, my hands crash into my face and I burst into tears. Why am I such an idiot? He looks completely devastated, and it's all my fault. I'm the reason for this mess. Memories from the fight that landed me here come flooding back. Why can't I do anything right? I'm useless. My sobs accelerate as I dig myself deeper into my own misery. I cry and cry and cry until I have no more tears left. My chin is trembling and I fall to my knees. Tears stain my face and spill over the side of my eyes. My choppy breathing and watery eyes remain for quite some time, until I eventually gather myself and force them to stop. I manage to make it to the first period, although I get a few stares for being so late.

History class is even more boring than usual. I couldn't care less about the pre-modern civilizations dating back from 1500 CE. What's making it worse is that I can't concentrate. My brain spirals between the events that played out just a few moments ago, replaying them in my head over and over again. I've been stuck on the same exercise for half an hour. My mind keeps wandering off. I can't think about anything else but Sander. This boy will be the death of me. I don't know how to control my feelings towards him. I can't like him. I know I can't. But what if I do? It feels like a supernatural force is possessing me. Like my heart is completely out of my control.