Royal Ever After

chapter fifteen

My soul feels like it's being lit on fire, burning to ashes until everything I have left is broken. Until I'm ripped apart to pieces. Every waking moment is agony. Some days I feel nothing. Other days, I feel a throbbing pain that makes me want to end myself. Every cut, bruise, and burn I've experienced through the years don't compare to this suffering, because the ache has consumed me. I'm no longer able to go a day without collapsing. Thinking is self-inflicted torture. My dreams haunt me, but sleepless nights torment me. I can't get him out of my system, no matter how hard I try. I remember everything about him. I can taste him as if he were still here, as if nothing happened.

I can't feel anything. Even the basic feeling of hunger is evading me. I try to think about what went wrong. How could I have stopped it. What could I have done differently. But there are too many variables for me to take note of, so I do the only logical thing and blame myself. It's my fault. It's always my fault. I had let him in. I took down my barriers for him when I shouldn't have. My heart wandered itself into my brain, stealing the steering wheel and taking control. And that's how we both got hurt.

I can no longer breathe; something invisible is strangling me. I want it to stop, but it's like a virus, spreading to every part of my body and numbing them. It's almost as if I'm drowning, the water slowly filling into my lungs with every gasp for air. Sharp knife-like wounds stab my chest. I scream for help but not a sound comes out. And I don't know when it'll end. I run every sentence over my head, read every text over and over and over again, as if there's some hidden secret that I missed the first time. I drive myself insane because I feel helpless.

The world is going to end, and if not, then I'll finish it off myself. I've cried enough to fill a whole pool. If it were up to me, I would prefer for death to walk up to my doorstep and come to me automatically. This doesn't mean I'm considering suicide, but I'm just saying that if I were to die, maybe it wouldn't be so bad. Maybe it would ease the pain. Maybe I could breathe again, in the afterworld that is. Truth be told, I'm losing all will to live. Yet I know that I can't stop. I'm the prince. People rely on me, and I can't give up on them. So, with that in mind, I eventually get up, throw on some clothes, and plaster the fakest smile on my face.

I go to my classes like everything's normal. Except I don't talk to Sander. I can't even look at him without breaking down. However, it seems as if I've had everyone fooled since they all think I'm okay. I do my work, the bell rings, and the cycle repeats. Then again. And again. By the time I get back to my dorm, I'm drained. The only good thing going for me is that it's the last week of school before the holidays. Four more impossibly long days remain.

Unfortunately, I can't catch a break because Aurora barges into my room, not even bothering to knock beforehand. Did she suddenly forget her manners? Geez. Thank God I wasn't naked or that would've been quite an awkward situation.

"What do you want?" I demand, my voice coming off a little more agitated than I had intended. Now's not a good time, so this better be worth it.

"I figured it out. I'm a genius."

"Huh?" I scrunch my eyebrows, clearly not on the same page as her. My three remaining brain cells are not helping either.

"The video." Oh. My. God. And with that, my eyes flicker with anticipation, triggering my joints to shudder nervously. I sit up straight and lean closer in.

"I'm listening."

"Alright, so I conducted a thorough inspection of each individual frame to look for clues that may give me a hint about the culprit. At first, I couldn't track anything down, but then I let the jackpot. For a split second, I could see a wristwatch in the reflection of the person holding the camera, as they were leaning against the window. After zooming in, I determined that it was a Rolex, worth an exorbitant amount of money. It was made out of solid gold with a tachymeter scale engraved," she pauses to catch her breath.