the difference

Chapter Thirty-three

April 17th 1752

"well?" Oliver Tavington spoke, his voice colder than he intended "Any news?"

"Your wife and son are both healthy, says the midwife" The servant offered him a smile. Oliver's steely eyes seemed to shine with pride at those words. A boy...an heir at last! he nodded and returned the smile "You may see them"

With those words, he dismissed the servant and rushed into the master bedroom. The room was dimly lit with a few candles but all he cared about was the babe in his wife's arms. There she was, propped up against the pillows with a small bundle of linens in her arms. His heir was crying in her arms. Katherine managed enough strength to look up at her husband with a tired smile "a son...we have a son..." poor woman, her hair was stuck to her face and with sweat and she looked paler than usual,

Oliver took the babe from her arms and cradled him in his "My boy..." but he was tiny compared to other newborns! He was barely the size of his forearm!

"What shall we name him?"

"William" he mumbled and got a little angry when he reached for his finger "William Tavington"

~~~

December 12th 1780,

Theodore hadn't got better, the two now knew that it wasn't influenza. He'd been struggling to breath all day.

William was sat in a chair with his son laid in his arms. Evelyn was there too but they refused to talk to each other. Until...

"I wasn't there when you were welcomed into this world...I was running from something" William smiled weakly and brushed over his son's cheek "And I don't blame you for what happened...I never have"

"Dada..." Theodore whimpered and closed his eyes.

"That's right I'm your dada..." William mumbled and brushed through his soft hair "and you will always be my son..." The infant let out a string of weak coughs before huddling into William's arms "its alright...shh its ok"
Evelyn let out a small sob and covered her mouth "now, you mother wants to say hello, I want you to be extra kind to her...she deserves nothing more than kindness" He stood up and laid Theodore in her arms before looking into her eyes "he's your son..."

Evelyn swallowed the hard lump in her throat before looking down at Theo "My beautiful boy..." she muttered and kissed his forehead "You're so strong just like your papa..." he took in a weak breath before closing his eyes "Say hello to your grandparents for me...and let the angels carry you to heaven..."

He didn't respond

"I love you..." she whispered and glanced up at William for a short moment "your father does too'

No response...

He'd died in his mother's arms.

~~~

They buried him that same day underneath a tree. The couple said nothing to each other until they were in the confines of their chamber. William sat on their bed and hid his head in his hands "He's gone..." he paused and ran his fingers over his hair "If I had come home sooner..."

Evelyn walked over towards her husband before taking his hand into hers "don't blame yourself..." she squeezed it for a moment before glancing down at her swollen belly "you made an excellent father..."

"I loved him and now he's gone..." she sat next to him and unexpectedly hugged him.

She tilted his chin up and smiled weakly "you know, I hate it when you cry..."

William stared into her eyes for a moment before glancing back at his hands "I'm a monster...Theodore dying was God getting revenge" he mumbled before let out a broken sob "...why was he the one to suffer, it should've been me not our son, I should be the one in the dirt!"

"He died because he was ill..."

"I would've been there sooner if I wasn't in Pembroke!"

"Look at me" he reluctantly did so and stared up at her "Theo loved you...he loved us both, he just wasn't born in the right time..." she cupped his cheeks with her hands and kissed the tip of his nose "I love you muffin..."

"how could you love a monster like me...you showed that you hate me when to sought out my best friends bed, don't worry, I will be dead soon like you wish" he pulled away from her before standing and picking up his sabre

"Don't leave please..."

"you don't even want to be married to me..."

"I do-"

"If you did, you wouldn't have left me for him! I followed you, I heard the conversation! You left me when I needed you although I was there when you needed me!" Evelyn shook her head and walked up to him "I'll be back...I don't know when"

"come back to me" Evelyn mumbled as he slammed the bedroom door shut. She looked down at her belly before weeping "I'm sorry, please forgive me..."

~~~

Pembroke. He needed to go there...

He rode hard north until he saw the singular tree outside the town he destroyed. He tied his horse to a hitching post before walking towards the rubble of the burnt church.

William walked over the rubble of the burnt church and knelt down when something shiny caught his eye "The North star..." he mumbled to himself as he picked it up and brushed the dirt from it. With a slight broken sob he knelt down and looked around himself, he did this...he killed them...

He glanced over at the graves that the patriots had made for the townsfolk and let a tear fall from his cheek "I'm sorry..." then he heard Evelyn's words again 'I wish that Johan did shoot you through the heart!' William walked over to one of the graves and read the writing.

'Anne Martin.
1761-1781'

For some reason it felt right to lay the star there. He placed the metal on the top of the grave before closing his eyes "I'm sorry, it is I who deserves to be there not you"

"BASTARD!" He heard a familiar voice shout and the familiar click of a flintlock "YOU KILLED HER AND HAVE THE AUDACITY TO STAND THERE AT HER GRAVE!" The blonde haired Martin boy spoke.

William raised his hands in surrender "Take your revenge then..." he swallowed thickly and held his head up high "Be satisfied!"

The Martin boy froze for a moment before raising his pistol.

"BE SATISFIED!" William shouted before breaking down "please end the suffering...I beg you"

Gabriel lowered his weapon before shaking his head and gazing towards his wife's grave "You will live with this torture for your long and lonely life, you've taken my father, my wife and brother" he walked towards the older man "And you shall suffer as I must do everyday" he laid a flower bouquet on the grave before glaring at the man.

"Why-"

"won't I kill you? My wife is resting here and she would want me to be the better man...not the one that killed a man begging for his suffering to end"

William nodded slightly better shaking his head "My son died this morning, he had barely begun to live"

Gabriel smiled slightly and walked over towards him "what was his name?"

"Theodore"

"What is your story?"

"pardon?"

"why did you join the military?"

"My mother and father disowned me, my grandmother died and my brother stole my inheritance" William simply spoke before glancing over at the youth "Then I joined as a cornet"

"we all have darkness, my father had it in his soul somewhere...but now I sit here as a man who's grieving with another, to me you're just a fool who chose the worst path possible"

"cheers..."

"Now get home, your wife is expecting isn't she? Stay away from the war or you'll lose more than what you can gain, I've learnt that at twenty, you can learn it now"

William held out his hand to the boy in the blue jacket for him to shake, he reluctantly did so "You are wise for your age, I wish you and your men victory"

"To the revolution"